If you are anticipating the 14th of February with about as much eagerness as a visit from the Grim Reaper, I Hate Valentine’s Day offers a hilarious antidote for the red-heart blues. Author Bennett Madison begins by lamenting the loss of innocent fun the holiday once brought in childhood when “at the end of the day, you had a box full of cards one from each and every person in the class, including sworn enemies. That was the rule.” He goes on to offer an adult guidebook for not only surviving the day, but enjoying it (albeit at times perversely), once more. “It will only take a small attitude adjustment,” he quips, “a lot of quick thinking, and a few shots of Jack Daniels.” The eight brief chapters include “Emergency Dating,” with tips on Internet resources, creative dating and people to avoid no matter how desperate you are for a date; “Hell Night,” complete with a quick quiz to rate your romance quotient and some atypical ideas for where to go and what to do; and “Wallowing When All Else Fails,” with lists of videos and songs sure to wring a good, cathartic, cry out of you. There’s even a troubleshooting section to help out with any problems you might encounter on Valentine’s Day, such as V-Day stalkers, unwanted proposals and bad hair/acne/mysterious rashes. Madison’s funny take on the holiday is sure to keep your Valentine’s Day expectations under control. Linda Stankard writes from Nanuet, New York.

Dr. Neil Clark Warren, the founder of eHarmony.com, a popular dating website that’s made many successful matches, has assembled his relationship advice in a new book. Like the eHarmony website, Falling in Love For All the Right Reasons: How to Find Your Soul Mate takes finding the right person very seriously, and sets marriage as the ultimate goal of any relationship. After more than 37 years as a psychotherapist (and even more years of marriage), Warren has identified 29 dimensions necessary to relationship success. Among these are family backgrounds, anger management, traditional versus nontraditional personalities, sexual passion, artistic passion and ambition. One of the most striking aspects of Warren’s approach is his belief that it’s essential to match your partner on most, if not all of the 29 dimensions. He writes, “I must confess that I have never seen a great marriage in which the couple were not matched on at least twenty-five or twenty-six of the twenty-nine dimensions.” In other words, opposites may attract, but finding someone who is a lot like you gives you a far better chance of building a lasting relationship. And Warren admits there is one more factor to consider besides the 29 dimensions chemistry. “If the twenty-nine dimensions are the engine on which your marriage will travel long-term, chemistry is the key that will crank your motor and keep it going.” Linda Stankard writes from Nanuet, New York.

Jane Austen’s Guide to Dating, by Lauren Henderson, offers an Englishwoman in America’s perspective on love. When Henderson moved to the States several years ago, her new friends gave her advice about how to play the dating game here advice like, “Don’t call men back for at least three days! Five is ideal!” About to lose someone she was genuinely interested in, she abandoned the advice being given to her and turned to the wisdom on dating and relationships found in the novels of English author Jane Austen. Henderson came up with 10 rules inspired by the romances of Austen’s characters and applied Rule No. 1 (very satisfactorily) to her own situation: “If you like someone, make it clear that you do.” She writes: “Austen repeatedly emphasizes the opinion that a woman who likes a man should make her preference for him clear without, naturally, going overboard.” This guideline came from Catherine Morland’s successful pursuit of Henry Tilney in Northanger Abby, and the rest of the 10 common-sense rules cite characters and events from Austen’s other novels that back them up. It’s interesting to see how 19th-century writing can inform 21st-century relationships. Part of the fun of this book is taking the quizzes, “Which Jane Austen Character Are You?” and “Which Jane Austen Character is the Man You Like?” There are book summaries for the Austen Uninitiated or to refresh your memory, and character descriptions so you can read about the character you are most like and the one you would likely like most. Linda Stankard writes from Nanuet, New York.

<B>When chocolate isn’t enough: how to add love to your life</B> <B>Dateworthy: Get the Relationship You Want</B>, by Dennie Hughes, author of <I>USA Weekend’s</I> RelationTips column, begins with a section designed to determine your own dateworthiness a "Check Yourself Check-Up" and a process for leaving bad baggage behind. Hughes illustrates her points throughout the book with a "Dating Story" from her own life, and she doesn’t shy away from the tales with unsavory endings either. This is someone who has been there, done that, messed up and lived to go out again on many wonderful dates. Her chapter titles include, "The Good, The Bad and the Salvageable," "The Ten First-Date Commandments" and "The Exclusive on Exclusivity." Alternately serious and funny, Hughes offers useful pointers such as, "Just because you spent one of the most amazing hours with someone doesn’t mean you know him," and "You’re less likely to lose control if you’re sporting control tops." Her comprehensive take on modern relationships is a great guide to finding your perfect match, or to smoothing out the rough spots in your current relationship.

<I>Linda Stankard writes from Nanuet, New York.</I>

It’s Valentine’s Day again, and men and women alike are measuring their relationships (or lack thereof) against the picture-perfect images presented by jewelers, candy makers and Hallmark cards. But take heart: whether you’re searching for someone to share your box of chocolates with or unabashedly disposing of the whole box yourself, BookPage has found the advice book for you.

Looking for love Mr. Right, Right Now!: How a Smart Woman Can Land Her Dream Man in 6 Weeks (HarperResource, $23.95, 208 pages, ISBN 0060530286), by E. Jean Carroll, takes a proactive, humorous approach to capturing (and captivating) a great guy in short order. Carroll has written an advice column for Elle magazine for more than 10 years and is the co-founder of the highly trafficked site, GreatBoyfriends.com. (There’s an accompanying GreatGirlfriends.com men walk on Lonely Street too!) This man mogul candidly explains how to use your innate feminine wiles to make first encounters memorable, learn to ask men out and otherwise “mop up the floor with men.” She starts with a program designed to get a woman feeling and looking her best because, as she points out in Man Catching Law #4: “Delight in Your Own Attractions, and You Will Attract.” And getting to that mutual attraction, that “synchronizing,” is the name of the game. Carroll’s advice will get you out of the unproductive (and boring) practice of man-searching in grocery stores and take you to where the men really are. She lists hockey rinks, the Belmont Stakes, yacht clubs, marinas and film festivals among the many places where meeting Mr. Right would be more amenable than experiencing the magic “clicking” moment over wilted spinach in a produce aisle. Besides, think of all the fun you’ll have! Together forever If you found your Mr. Right a while back, married him, and are now wondering where in tarnation toleration went, let alone magic, Lasting Love: The 5 Secrets of Growing a Vital, Conscious Relationship, by Gay Hendricks, Ph.

D. and Kathlyn Hendricks, Ph.

D. (Rodale, $21.95, 272 pages, ISBN 1579548326) can help breathe new life into your long-term relationship. The married authors readily admit to being their own “best customers, as any relationship experts should be.” The Hendricks have discovered that although couples may have different surface issues, such as arguing over sex or money, the underlying source usually boils down to problems in one or more of five distinct areas: commitment, emotional transparency (the ability to clearly identify and state one’s feelings), sharing responsibility, creative individuation (expressing your own creativity on a regular basis), and appreciation (feeling it and communicating it). While this is a couples book, if you are currently between relationships or wondering how to make love last beyond the initial blind infatuation stage next time, Lasting Love can arm you with romantic insights and relationship savvy for the next go ’round. For satisfied singles Finally, Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics, by Sasha Cagen, fills a niche that has long gone unrecognized a relationship book for singles! Cagen defines a “quirkyalone” as “a person who enjoys being single (but is not opposed to being in a relationship), and generally prefers to be alone rather than date for the sake of being in a couple.” A famous example of a quirkyalone would be Katharine Hepburn despite her strong feelings for long-time love and fellow actor Spencer Tracy, she never wanted to marry him. Cagen claims that QAs are “romantic, wistful, idealist, and independent.” She explains that many quirkyalones enjoy “the surplus energy for work and friends, and the exhilarating feeling of waking up unfettered” that comes with “singledom.” If this sounds like you, you may be quirky (i.e. “distinctive; unintentionally different; without artifice”) and alone (i.e. “apart from others, uncoupled”) but you are not alone. Cagen’s book offers numerous testimonies from happy QAs, mainly female, but male as well, and contains a chapter on being “quirkytogether” which explains how QAs can and often do, find each other.

It’s Valentine’s Day again, and men and women alike are measuring their relationships (or lack thereof) against the picture-perfect images presented by jewelers, candy makers and Hallmark cards. But take heart: whether you’re searching for someone to share your box of chocolates with or unabashedly disposing of the whole box yourself, BookPage has found the advice book for you.

Looking for love Mr. Right, Right Now!: How a Smart Woman Can Land Her Dream Man in 6 Weeks, by E. Jean Carroll, takes a proactive, humorous approach to capturing (and captivating) a great guy in short order. Carroll has written an advice column for Elle magazine for more than 10 years and is the co-founder of the highly trafficked site, GreatBoyfriends.com. (There’s an accompanying GreatGirlfriends.com men walk on Lonely Street too!) This man mogul candidly explains how to use your innate feminine wiles to make first encounters memorable, learn to ask men out and otherwise “mop up the floor with men.” She starts with a program designed to get a woman feeling and looking her best because, as she points out in Man Catching Law #4: “Delight in Your Own Attractions, and You Will Attract.” And getting to that mutual attraction, that “synchronizing,” is the name of the game. Carroll’s advice will get you out of the unproductive (and boring) practice of man-searching in grocery stores and take you to where the men really are. She lists hockey rinks, the Belmont Stakes, yacht clubs, marinas and film festivals among the many places where meeting Mr. Right would be more amenable than experiencing the magic “clicking” moment over wilted spinach in a produce aisle. Besides, think of all the fun you’ll have! Together forever If you found your Mr. Right a while back, married him, and are now wondering where in tarnation toleration went, let alone magic, Lasting Love: The 5 Secrets of Growing a Vital, Conscious Relationship, by Gay Hendricks, Ph.

D. and Kathlyn Hendricks, Ph.

D. (Rodale, $21.95, 272 pages, ISBN 1579548326) can help breathe new life into your long-term relationship. The married authors readily admit to being their own “best customers, as any relationship experts should be.” The Hendricks have discovered that although couples may have different surface issues, such as arguing over sex or money, the underlying source usually boils down to problems in one or more of five distinct areas: commitment, emotional transparency (the ability to clearly identify and state one’s feelings), sharing responsibility, creative individuation (expressing your own creativity on a regular basis), and appreciation (feeling it and communicating it). While this is a couples book, if you are currently between relationships or wondering how to make love last beyond the initial blind infatuation stage next time, Lasting Love can arm you with romantic insights and relationship savvy for the next go ’round. For satisfied singles Finally, Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics (HarperSanFrancisco, $19.95, 176 pages, ISBN 006057898X), by Sasha Cagen, fills a niche that has long gone unrecognized a relationship book for singles! Cagen defines a “quirkyalone” as “a person who enjoys being single (but is not opposed to being in a relationship), and generally prefers to be alone rather than date for the sake of being in a couple.” A famous example of a quirkyalone would be Katharine Hepburn despite her strong feelings for long-time love and fellow actor Spencer Tracy, she never wanted to marry him. Cagen claims that QAs are “romantic, wistful, idealist, and independent.” She explains that many quirkyalones enjoy “the surplus energy for work and friends, and the exhilarating feeling of waking up unfettered” that comes with “singledom.” If this sounds like you, you may be quirky (i.e. “distinctive; unintentionally different; without artifice”) and alone (i.e. “apart from others, uncoupled”) but you are not alone. Cagen’s book offers numerous testimonies from happy QAs, mainly female, but male as well, and contains a chapter on being “quirkytogether” which explains how QAs can and often do, find each other.

What is love? We look for it, long for it, lose it and anxiously chase after it again. We ought to know its definition, but just when we think we’ve pinned it down, it changes.

I read my “artistic” definition of love to my straightforward friend Elaine: “Being in love is like being in a hot tub out in the snow. While you’re in it, the world is wonderful it’s magic! But outside of it, the world is cold and cruel, and all you can think of is how to get back into that warmth and wonder.” “That’s nice,” Elaine said. (Meaning “nonsense.”) “But I’d say, ÔLove is like the flu: It strikes suddenly, knocks you off your feet, and before you know it lands you in bed.'” Same difference.

Whether or not February 14th finds you basking in love’s warmth or out in the cold, we’ve found a collection of new books sure to sweeten your romantic outlook. A good place to start is with something familiar. Truly Mars &and Venus: The Illustrated Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, by John Gray, Ph.

D., (HarperCollins, $19.95, 160 pages, ISBN 0060085657) celebrates the 10th anniversary of the best-selling book that coined a concept which is now part of our collective mindset that men and women are so different it’s as if they originated from different planets. One difference, for example, is the way they handle stress. Martians (men) deal with it by going alone into their “caves” to sort things out, whereas Venusians (women) de-stress by openly talking about their problems. Unless you’re from another solar system, the gentle humor and pointed truths in this illustrated gift book are sure to lead toward better communication and more fun on Valentine’s Day.

Of course, to understand members of the opposite sex you need to have one around. If you’re caught in the revolving door of half-baked romances and long to find a solid, loving relationship, Ronda Britten’s Fearless Loving: 8 Simple Truths That Will Change the Way You Date, Mate, and Relate (Dutton, $23.95, ISBN 0525947078) is a must-have resource. The author of Fearless Living and the founder of the Fearless Living Institute, Britten says that to conquer fear, you must be willing to make changes in yourself. “The pain you suffer in relationships is a direct result of staying faithful to your fears and to a past that no longer serves you . . . you must be willing to see things differently and make new choices and take new actions.” Along with her simple truths, (among them: “Love is up to you” and “Chemistry is between your ears”) Britten offers plenty of fear-busting exercises to move you forward on the path toward a more loving and loveable you.

Nothing says “love” (“aside from diamonds,” Elaine says) better than poetry, and two charming new volumes would make great gifts: The 100 Best Love Poems of All Time, edited by Leslie Pockell, (Warner, $11.95, ISBN 0446690228) and Kiss Off: Poems to Set You Free, edited by Mary D. Esselman and Elizabeth Ash Velez (Warner, $14.95, ISBN 0446690287). The 100 Best Love Poems features everything from timeless classics like Shakespeare’s “Shall I Compare Thee to a Summer’s Day?” to modern pieces like Donald Hall’s zany “Valentine.” If you or someone you know is recovering from love gone wrong, Kiss Off might be a more appropriate choice. Designed to help the wounded move beyond heartbreak and regain strength and confidence, the poems are divided into sections such as Hurting: When Things Fall Apart, Hiding: When You Shut Down, and Believing: When You Stay Strong.

Then again, maybe your love life just needs a little TLC. If you’re hoping to catch the “love bug,” Chicken Soup for the Romantic Soul: Inspirational Stories about Love and Romance could be just the comfort food you and your Valentine need. This collection of heart-warming real-life stories reminds us that love, in all its many forms and by any other name, is part of all our stories, from the time we are young until “death do us part.” Whether written by celebrities, professional humorists, or Chicken Soup readers, this compilation creates an uplifting and inspiring collage, sure to evoke some tears along with the smiles. There is enough romantic wit and wisdom tucked inside these books to impassion the dullest Romeo or warm up the coolest Juliet. Make up your own definition of love, and inscribe it, lovingly, in the dust jacket of your personalized Valentine gift!

What is love? We look for it, long for it, lose it and anxiously chase after it again. We ought to know its definition, but just when we think we’ve pinned it down, it changes.

I read my “artistic” definition of love to my straightforward friend Elaine: “Being in love is like being in a hot tub out in the snow. While you’re in it, the world is wonderful it’s magic! But outside of it, the world is cold and cruel, and all you can think of is how to get back into that warmth and wonder.” “That’s nice,” Elaine said. (Meaning “nonsense.”) “But I’d say, ÔLove is like the flu: It strikes suddenly, knocks you off your feet, and before you know it lands you in bed.'” Same difference.

Whether or not February 14th finds you basking in love’s warmth or out in the cold, we’ve found a collection of new books sure to sweeten your romantic outlook. A good place to start is with something familiar. Truly Mars &and Venus: The Illustrated Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, by John Gray, Ph.

D., celebrates the 10th anniversary of the best-selling book that coined a concept which is now part of our collective mindset that men and women are so different it’s as if they originated from different planets. One difference, for example, is the way they handle stress. Martians (men) deal with it by going alone into their “caves” to sort things out, whereas Venusians (women) de-stress by openly talking about their problems. Unless you’re from another solar system, the gentle humor and pointed truths in this illustrated gift book are sure to lead toward better communication and more fun on Valentine’s Day.

Of course, to understand members of the opposite sex you need to have one around. If you’re caught in the revolving door of half-baked romances and long to find a solid, loving relationship, Ronda Britten’s Fearless Loving: 8 Simple Truths That Will Change the Way You Date, Mate, and Relate (Dutton, $23.95, ISBN 0525947078) is a must-have resource. The author of Fearless Living and the founder of the Fearless Living Institute, Britten says that to conquer fear, you must be willing to make changes in yourself. “The pain you suffer in relationships is a direct result of staying faithful to your fears and to a past that no longer serves you . . . you must be willing to see things differently and make new choices and take new actions.” Along with her simple truths, (among them: “Love is up to you” and “Chemistry is between your ears”) Britten offers plenty of fear-busting exercises to move you forward on the path toward a more loving and loveable you.

Nothing says “love” (“aside from diamonds,” Elaine says) better than poetry, and two charming new volumes would make great gifts: The 100 Best Love Poems of All Time, edited by Leslie Pockell, (Warner, $11.95, ISBN 0446690228) and Kiss Off: Poems to Set You Free , edited by Mary D. Esselman and Elizabeth Ash Velez (Warner, $14.95, ISBN 0446690287). The 100 Best Love Poems features everything from timeless classics like Shakespeare’s “Shall I Compare Thee to a Summer’s Day?” to modern pieces like Donald Hall’s zany “Valentine.” If you or someone you know is recovering from love gone wrong, Kiss Off might be a more appropriate choice. Designed to help the wounded move beyond heartbreak and regain strength and confidence, the poems are divided into sections such as Hurting: When Things Fall Apart, Hiding: When You Shut Down, and Believing: When You Stay Strong.

Then again, maybe your love life just needs a little TLC. If you’re hoping to catch the “love bug,” Chicken Soup for the Romantic Soul: Inspirational Stories about Love and Romance (HCI Books, $12.95, ISBN 0757300421) could be just the comfort food you and your Valentine need. This collection of heart-warming real-life stories reminds us that love, in all its many forms and by any other name, is part of all our stories, from the time we are young until “death do us part.” Whether written by celebrities, professional humorists, or Chicken Soup readers, this compilation creates an uplifting and inspiring collage, sure to evoke some tears along with the smiles. There is enough romantic wit and wisdom tucked inside these books to impassion the dullest Romeo or warm up the coolest Juliet. Make up your own definition of love, and inscribe it, lovingly, in the dust jacket of your personalized Valentine gift!