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NonfictionMemoirFamily & Relationships

Sinkhole

Review by Carla Jean Whitley

Poet and author Juliet Patterson was in her 40s when her father, James, died by suicide. James was a child when his father, Edward, died by suicide. And Patterson’s mother, Carolyn, was raising young children when her father, William, died by suicide.

Patterson spent more than a decade trying to make sense of this family history, repeatedly visiting Pittsburg, Kansas, the city her father, Edward and William all called home. It’s an old mining town with a surface pockmarked by sinkholes, scars of past industry that may have also left marks on the town’s residents. As Patterson researched the men in her family tree and suicide itself, she wondered about the effect this wounded history could have had on her family.

The result of this meticulous research and soul-searching is Sinkhole: A Natural History of Suicide. The memoir is at moments reminiscent of Terry Tempest Williams’ Refuge: An Unnatural History of Family and Place. Like Williams, Patterson surveys both the land around her and her inner emotional landscape. She searches for connections between the Industrial Revolution’s effects on society and her family’s repeated losses before ultimately recognizing that every tragedy stems from numerous influences.

Patterson’s poetic sensibility informs her prose as she weaves together ideas about family and research about land in a lyrical way. She’s looking for answers in Sinkhole, but the path that leads to a suicide isn’t linear. It’s more akin to a sinkhole, Patterson writes, spreading and consuming everything around it.

Juliet Patterson combines her own soul-searching with a decade’s worth of research in Sinkhole, a lyrical memoir about her family's history of suicide.
NonfictionMemoirFamily & Relationships

All of This

Review by Anna Christensen

The final separation of death is so frightening, so thorny and so difficult for humans to grasp that we tend to distill it into something simpler, with easy-to-follow directives and guidelines. Perhaps the most well-known guideline is that we do not speak ill of the dead. Instead, we rewrite history. Fights and foibles are mysteriously erased. Troubling moments dissolve into nothingness. We loved them, we say. We miss them every day. We do not know how to go on without their goodness. We would give anything to have them back again.

But in Rebecca Woolf’s case, her relationship with her late husband wasn’t just imperfect but toxic. Her memoir, All of This, eschews any such flattering postmortem revisions in favor of the messy, freeing truth.

Woolf had been planning to leave her husband, Hal, when he was diagnosed with an advanced form of pancreatic cancer and given only months to live. With four children, they had hacked it as far as they could through a relationship riddled with acrimony, casual cruelty and Hal’s control issues, which left Woolf feeling desperate and stifled. Their impending divorce felt like a rapidly approaching springboard to freedom for Woolf, until Hal’s diagnosis threw up a confusing and painful wall. Suddenly she found herself fulfilling the wedding vow she had been determined to escape: that she would stay until the end.

Woolf does not mince words or deal in niceties in this memoir. Hal was frequently difficult to like even as he was dying: He was demanding and childish about the fast-moving course of his illness. He was distant from his children, and the stress he caused his wife seemed deliberate. Shortly after his death, Woolf began looking for new partners, mostly brief hookups, as her joy and relief became braided with her grief. Along the way, Woolf reveals more of Hal’s humanity, showing that within the strife and heartbreak of their marriage, there were bright moments as well. Aptly titled, All of This is an all-encompassing portrait of a marriage that didn’t work, and Woolf is as unflinchingly honest about that marriage as she is about the experience of loss that terminated it.

“I loved this man once and then I hated him and then I loved him and then I hated him and then I loved him and then I hated him and then I loved him again, and then he died,” Woolf writes. “This was our love story.”

In All of This, Rebecca Woolf is as unflinchingly honest about her marriage as she is about the messy, freeing experience of her husband’s death.
NonfictionMemoirFamily & Relationships

This Story Will Change

Review by Carla Jean Whitley

“I’m not happy.” Those three words set the end of novelist Elizabeth Crane’s marriage into motion. After 15 years of repeated promises from Crane’s husband that he wasn’t going anywhere, he changed the narrative. During those years, he had also promised to tell Crane before he became involved with someone else. That promise he kept.

But a relationship is a living thing, and as Crane writes her way through her marriage, she reveals shifts that were taking place all along. In This Story Will Change, Crane uses her narrative skills to excavate her relationship.

Crane (The History of Great Things) writes in the third person, creating emotional distance as though she can objectively describe the dissolution of her own marriage. This technique makes the memoir read more like a novel, akin to Jenny Offill’s Dept. of Speculation with short, punchy chapters and unflinching self-analysis. (One chapter is, appropriately, titled “Doesn’t This All Seem Pretty Common and Not Unusual or Even Awful at All in a Long-Term Marriage?” Another chapter, which is only three sentences long, acknowledges that this is a one-sided story, the wife’s story.) But the occasional shift into first person jars the reader into recalling that this intimate recollection is actually the author’s own experience.

Repeating themes surface throughout this retelling, just as a couple often revisits the same arguments throughout their relationship. Among them is Crane’s husband’s claim: “I don’t think you’d be a good mother.” These words haunted Crane for years—until she spent time with an old journal and realized her husband had never actually said that at all. She had sharpened his actual comment—that she would be a good mom but would worry a lot—into a weapon she used for self-flagellation for years. Memory is unreliable, and our own stories shift through faulty recollection.

As Crane recounts separating from her husband and setting up a temporary home with a friend in New York City, pleasure mingles with pain. Sublimely happy moments—a first Christmas without her husband—dissolve into her sadness at being alone. But a post-split tattoo reveals Crane’s ongoing optimism: “It says love. With a period after it, like a decree,” she writes. “I still believe in it. Sometimes like Santa. But I do.”

A relationship is a living thing, and as Elizabeth Crane writes her way through the end of her marriage, she reveals pleasures mingled with pain.
NonfictionMemoirFamily & Relationships

Normal Family

Review by Jessica Wakeman

Is there anything original left to say about persevering through a dysfunctional upbringing? Normal Family: On Truth, Love, and How I Met My 35 Siblings by Chrysta Bilton takes this question almost as a dare and shows readers that the answer is yes.

Bilton is one of at least 35 children conceived by her father, Jeffrey. He became an incredibly popular sperm donor for many families—a fact that may have been lost to history if not for the wonders of at-home DNA testing, Ancestry.com and Facebook. Yet that bizarre tale is only one small piece of Bilton’s extraordinary life; in fact, contrary to what the subtitle implies, the memoir is mostly about experiences that have nothing to do with her prodigiously fertile father.

Bilton’s mother, Debra, was full of chutzpah and sparkle. She was a lesbian, a local LGBTQ icon in Los Angeles, an activist in progressive politics and a friend and paramour to countless celebrities. (The actor Warren Beatty was temporarily in the running as a sperm donor candidate.) But Debra kept some devastating family secrets to herself: She was addicted to drugs, a profligate overspender and an enthusiastic supporter of pyramid schemes.

The narrative heart of this memoir is Bilton’s bond with Debra, as well with her younger sister. The tight threesome navigated LA’s wealthiest environs as one of the few openly queer families in the late 1980s and early ’90s. This particular struggle may resonate with readers whose family structures are marginalized in today’s society. And the author’s complicated relationship with her mom—exasperation mixed with admiration—will also be familiar to many.

Normal Family is about one of the most atypical families one can imagine, and in that way, it’s certainly a page-turner. For most of the book, readers will simply have no idea where this wild tale is headed. But it also demonstrates that the most normal thing in the world is for a family to have—and overcome—its secrets.

Is there anything original left to say about surviving a dysfunctional upbringing? Normal Family by Chrysta Bilton takes this question almost as a dare.
NonfictionHistoryFamily & RelationshipsBiography

Daughters of the Flower Fragrant Garden

Review by Henry L. Carrigan Jr.

Families separate for many reasons, but when war rips them apart, their longing for one another can be especially acute. Sometimes family members completely lose contact with each other, never knowing if the other is living or dead. In her riveting Daughters of the Flower Fragrant Garden, Zhuqing Li narrates the dual biographies of her aunts, who were separated by the Chinese Civil War.

At the center of Li’s story is the Flower Fragrant Garden, the idyllic setting where sisters Jun and Hong grew up in relative security in the early 20th century. Li writes that the compound was “one of Fuzhou’s biggest and richest homes. . . . The main building was a grand, two-story red-brick Western-style house rising from the lush greenery of the rolling grounds. A winding path dipped under the canopy of green, linking smaller buildings like beads on a necklace.”

In 1937, during Japan’s war with China, the sisters were forced into exile and left their garden behind. Then, in the political turmoil that followed the war with Japan, Jun and Hong followed different paths, separated by the Nationalist-Communist divide that erupted after the Chinese Civil War ended in 1949. Jun moved to the Nationalist stronghold of Taiwan, where she became a successful teacher and later a businesswoman whose acumen brought her to America. Hong became a prominent physician on China’s mainland, “famous as a pioneer in bringing medical care to China’s remote countryside, and later the Ôgrandma of IVF babies,’ in vitro fertilization, in Fujian Province.”

Hong left her family behind completely as she embraced her life in the new People’s Republic of China, but Jun longed to reunite with her sister. In 1982, the two met again for the first time in 33 years, and through their conversations, Jun began to understand the reasons Hong had to pledge her unwavering support to the Communist party in order to survive. After that, the two sisters never met again. Jun died at 92 in 2014 in her home in Maryland, and in 2020, where the book ends, Hong was still seeing patients in China at the age of 95.

In Daughters of the Flower Fragrant Garden, Li eloquently tells a moving story of her aunts and their resilience throughout one of China’s most fraught centuries.

Zhuqing Li tells the moving story of her aunts, separated by the Chinese Civil War, and their resilience throughout one of China’s most fraught centuries.
NonfictionMemoirLiteratureFamily & Relationships

Also a Poet

Review by Robert Weibezahl

Every childhood is unique, but Ada Calhoun’s, as portrayed in her fearless new memoir, Also a Poet, stands out for its blend of adolescent freedom and paternal neglect. The daughter of art critic and poet Peter Schjeldahl, Calhoun grew up at the vortex of New York City’s East Village bohemia, a world she wrote about in the history St. Marks Is Dead. Young Calhoun, eager and precocious, craved nothing more than the approbation of her father, a complicated, emotionally distant man famously given to saying the wrong thing—a trait from which his daughter was never spared. One piece of common ground that Calhoun and her father shared, however, was a love of the work of Frank O’Hara, the legendary New York School poet who died in a freak accident in 1966.

One day in 2018, Calhoun was searching for something in the basement storage of her parents’ apartment building when she found dozens of loose cassette tapes from the 1970s, labeled with the names of famous artists like Willem de Kooning, Edward Gorey and Larry Rivers. Her father said they were interviews he had conducted with O’Hara’s friends because he’d intended to write a biography of the poet. Circumstances—not least of all a roadblock erected by O’Hara’s sister, Maureen—had killed the project. Schjeldahl told his daughter she could use the interviews for her own purposes, and Calhoun envisioned a new biography of the iconic poet based on these priceless recollections. But the book took on a new shape as she proceeded—in part, again, because of the obstruction of Maureen, who serves as her brother’s literary executor.

As Calhoun began to delve into the interviews, short portions of which she shares in Also a Poet, she began piecing together a multifaceted portrait of O’Hara, greatly loved by friends who painted him as gregarious, whip-smart, generous, sexually fluid and happily promiscuous. (The latter two assessments are most likely at the core of his sister’s posthumous protectiveness.) But the interviews also provided Calhoun with insight into the interviewer: her father.

Frustrated by the ways Schjeldahl had sabotaged his own project, Calhoun plunged back into their often difficult father-daughter relationship with fresh eyes. Lifelong resentments resurfaced as she viewed her father with redoubled awareness. When the aging Schjeldahl, who had smoked three packs a day for decades, was diagnosed with lung cancer, his solipsistic reaction to his illness rankled Calhoun, even as she dutifully stepped in to help.

The unexpected convergence of the challenging O’Hara book project and her father’s sudden decline provide Calhoun with a singular perspective on the timeless issues of family relationships, most especially the vulnerabilities of following in a father’s eminent footsteps and the elusive possibility of ever fully understanding our parents. Calhoun’s honesty and willingness to push beyond her own resentments make Also a Poet a potent account of a daughter reaching out to a perhaps unreachable father before it’s too late.

Ada Calhoun’s literary biography of the poet Frank O’Hara unexpectedly transformed into an absorbing and insightful personal memoir about her father.
NonfictionMemoirFamily & RelationshipsEssays

Raising Raffi

Review by Kelly Blewett

As a mother of three, I can attest that parenting often feels like it comes at you fast: the meals and snacks, bedtimes and books, laundry and more laundry; the hat-straightening, screen time-monitoring, play date-booking and chore-reminding whirlwind of it all. That’s why it’s fantastic when someone thoughtful manages to hit pause on the relentless motion and reflect on what it all means. In Raising Raffi: The First Five Years, Keith Gessen does just that.

Covering everything from the surprises of a home birth to the days of desperately reading parenting manuals through a sleep-deprived haze, Gessen’s essays are at once intensely specific (he lives in New York, is the son of Russian immigrants and works as a literary writer and editor) and deeply relatable (even to me, a woman who lives in a suburb in the Midwest). For instance, he writes that fatherhood opened up heretofore unexamined aspects of his personality. Why, he wondered, did he want to speak to Raffi in Russian, even though all of their relatives are able to speak English? It is a mystery, more of a gut instinct than a bilingual regimen, that prompts his wife (the novelist Emily Gould) to nickname him “Bear Dad.” Throughout Raising Raffi, Gessen’s profound ambivalence over his Russian heritage feels pressing, heartfelt, sad and real. He also writes about the COVID-19 pandemic with a clarity that parents who have been raising young children during the last few years will appreciate and remember.

Gessen’s book raises the big questions: Who am I as a parent? What exactly am I passing down to my kids? And can I even really control what I pass down to them? Gessen’s essay about sports, for example, gently probes the pros and cons of getting Raffi to play hockey, eventually folding back and looking at itself as Gessen realizes that his own attachment to hockey wasn’t the best thing for him. Other essays, like his one on picture books, demonstrate the deep, abiding connection one can feel with a child through repeatedly reading poetry and stories.

This book is thoughtful, companionable, funny and memorable. Readers will return to it again and again—and will hope, like I do, that Gessen publishes a follow-up about Raffi’s next five years.

Read more: Keith Gessen brings a sense of reassurance to the audiobook for Raising Raffi.

In his companionable, funny, memorable memoir, Keith Gessen hits pause on the relentless motion of parenthood and reflects on what it all means.
Family & Relationships

Review

Review by bookpagedev

ous advice for would-be lovers Why do fools fall in love? Perhaps only fools attempt to reason why. Luckily for lovers and would-be lovers, an engaging new crop of books dares to delve into the mystery.

The Girl Code: The Secret Language of Single Women by Diane Farr is a delightful romp through the dating world. The author, former cohost of MTV’s Loveline and a contributor of dating advice to Cosmopolitan, uses a cheeky, up-front tone that befits advice on modern liaisons. As an “homage to friendship,” it is a welcome antidote to the plethora of dating “rule books” prescribing pre-feminist deceit and manipulation. It even dares to assert that a woman can be complete without a man. (She does, however, need good girlfriends.) The code offers inventive vernacular for various body parts, dating situations and types of men. With it, you too can respect the Ugly Underwear Rule, identify the Bad Hygiene Stage with Mr. Right Now, deal with Rug Burn and endorse Girl Patrol. For etiquette any single girl could use, check out the tongue-in-cheek, yet entirely sensible “Code of Behavior &and Ethics,” which details boundaries good girlfriends never cross. The Girl Code makes a great bridesmaid token or gift for a buddy in any stage of the dating drama.

Thirty marriage and family experts team up in Why Do Fools Fall in Love? Experiencing the Magic, Mystery, and Meaning of Successful Relationships, edited by Janice R. Levine and Howard J. Markman. Diverse essays attempt to explain how we fall in love, stay in love, and how love gives life meaning. By looking at evidence from master marriages (as opposed to disaster marriages), we can learn what “chemistry” really is beyond endocrine glands. Sneak peeks at celebrity marriages and insightful marginalia jazz up a thoughtful, attractive book good for ailing or successful relationships.

Another approach to the mysteries of enduring love is a systematic plan from therapist and relationship coach Dr. Mark Goulston.

In The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship: How To Fall in Love Again and Stay There, he identifies and explores six “pillars” upon which every relationship rests: chemistry, respect, enjoyment, acceptance, trust and empathy. Case studies, worksheets and insights go beyond theory to offer realistic steps toward goals. The plan is tailored to appeal to the sensibilities of women and men, which is a refreshing change from the many self-help books aimed solely at women. The Marriage Plan: How to Marry Your Soul Mate in One Year or Less by Aggie Jordan also takes the high road with a plan based on honesty and self awareness. The goal is not just to make it to the altar, but to make it there with a soul mate. A 13-step plan will, if not guarantee complete victory within the time limit, at least leave you exquisitely attuned to authentic needs and clear-cut goals, not to mention poised to recognize and attract Mr. Right. The author’s credentials are impressive. After decades of teaching goal-setting and achievement to Fortune 500 executives, Jordan simply applies the same positive, practical approaches to marriage. Be careful what you wish for: with a plan like this, it is likely to come true.

Another new book that gets right down to the business of love is Prenups for Lovers: A Romantic Guide to Prenuptial Agreements, by Arlene G. Dubin. At first glance, the title may seem like an oxymoron, but smart couples will find this a wise guide from the ring to the altar. The very first chapter will convince skeptical readers the dreaded p-word is not just for celebrities or creeps with more cash than commitment. Think of a prenup as a financial housekeeping tool, a handy way to start a lifetime commitment to financial planning. The author admits money is harder to talk about than sex, but couples who “invest” in a prenup will be more likely to remain a couple (70% of all divorces are caused by financial conflict). Prenups require full disclosure, compromise and open communication: three things crucial to the beginning of a lasting marriage. Samples and individual profiles show how a prenup can easily be tailored for any situation, even when the couple is already married. What if prenups and pragmatic plans aren’t your cup of tea? Brew up your own Love Potion #9 with Silver’s Spells for Love. Best-selling author Silver Raven Wolf shares over a hundred “magikcal” recipes to get love, keep love and even get rid of love. Romantic love gets the most attention with intricate spells like Lust Powder and “Come Jump Me” Love-Drawing Oil, but other kinds of love get neat spells too. Summon a new pet into your life, find a job you adore, open yourself to new friendships, welcome a baby into the world. Spells require fairly ordinary supplies like candles, herbs and common household items. The most potent ingredient, however, seems to be intent: the sincerity and focus of the weaver of the spell. Lest casual readers think a few magic words and white tapers will make them blissfully happy ever after, the author reminds us “love isn’t a trifle . . . it takes courage, perseverance and wisdom to make any relationship work.” Joanna Brichetto lives and loves in Nashville.

ous advice for would-be lovers Why do fools fall in love? Perhaps only fools attempt to reason why. Luckily for lovers and would-be lovers, an engaging new crop of books dares to delve into the mystery.

The Girl Code: The Secret Language of…
LifestylesFamily & Relationships

Review

Review by bookpagedev

ous advice for would-be lovers Why do fools fall in love? Perhaps only fools attempt to reason why. Luckily for lovers and would-be lovers, an engaging new crop of books dares to delve into the mystery.

The Girl Code: The Secret Language of Single Women by Diane Farr is a delightful romp through the dating world. The author, former cohost of MTV’s Loveline and a contributor of dating advice to Cosmopolitan, uses a cheeky, up-front tone that befits advice on modern liaisons. As an “homage to friendship,” it is a welcome antidote to the plethora of dating “rule books” prescribing pre-feminist deceit and manipulation. It even dares to assert that a woman can be complete without a man. (She does, however, need good girlfriends.) The code offers inventive vernacular for various body parts, dating situations and types of men. With it, you too can respect the Ugly Underwear Rule, identify the Bad Hygiene Stage with Mr. Right Now, deal with Rug Burn and endorse Girl Patrol. For etiquette any single girl could use, check out the tongue-in-cheek, yet entirely sensible “Code of Behavior &and Ethics,” which details boundaries good girlfriends never cross. The Girl Code makes a great bridesmaid token or gift for a buddy in any stage of the dating drama.

Thirty marriage and family experts team up in Why Do Fools Fall in Love? Experiencing the Magic, Mystery, and Meaning of Successful Relationships, edited by Janice R. Levine and Howard J. Markman. Diverse essays attempt to explain how we fall in love, stay in love, and how love gives life meaning. By looking at evidence from master marriages (as opposed to disaster marriages), we can learn what “chemistry” really is beyond endocrine glands. Sneak peeks at celebrity marriages and insightful marginalia jazz up a thoughtful, attractive book good for ailing or successful relationships.

Another approach to the mysteries of enduring love is a systematic plan from therapist and relationship coach Dr. Mark Goulston.

In The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship: How To Fall in Love Again and Stay There, he identifies and explores six “pillars” upon which every relationship rests: chemistry, respect, enjoyment, acceptance, trust and empathy. Case studies, worksheets and insights go beyond theory to offer realistic steps toward goals. The plan is tailored to appeal to the sensibilities of women and men, which is a refreshing change from the many self-help books aimed solely at women. The Marriage Plan: How to Marry Your Soul Mate in One Year or Lessby Aggie Jordan also takes the high road with a plan based on honesty and self awareness. The goal is not just to make it to the altar, but to make it there with a soul mate. A 13-step plan will, if not guarantee complete victory within the time limit, at least leave you exquisitely attuned to authentic needs and clear-cut goals, not to mention poised to recognize and attract Mr. Right. The author’s credentials are impressive. After decades of teaching goal-setting and achievement to Fortune 500 executives, Jordan simply applies the same positive, practical approaches to marriage. Be careful what you wish for: with a plan like this, it is likely to come true.

Another new book that gets right down to the business of love is Prenups for Lovers: A Romantic Guide to Prenuptial Agreements, by Arlene G. Dubin. At first glance, the title may seem like an oxymoron, but smart couples will find this a wise guide from the ring to the altar. The very first chapter will convince skeptical readers the dreaded p-word is not just for celebrities or creeps with more cash than commitment. Think of a prenup as a financial housekeeping tool, a handy way to start a lifetime commitment to financial planning. The author admits money is harder to talk about than sex, but couples who “invest” in a prenup will be more likely to remain a couple (70% of all divorces are caused by financial conflict). Prenups require full disclosure, compromise and open communication: three things crucial to the beginning of a lasting marriage. Samples and individual profiles show how a prenup can easily be tailored for any situation, even when the couple is already married. What if prenups and pragmatic plans aren’t your cup of tea? Brew up your own Love Potion #9 with Silver’s Spells for Love. Best-selling author Silver Raven Wolf shares over a hundred “magikcal” recipes to get love, keep love and even get rid of love. Romantic love gets the most attention with intricate spells like Lust Powder and “Come Jump Me” Love-Drawing Oil, but other kinds of love get neat spells too. Summon a new pet into your life, find a job you adore, open yourself to new friendships, welcome a baby into the world. Spells require fairly ordinary supplies like candles, herbs and common household items. The most potent ingredient, however, seems to be intent: the sincerity and focus of the weaver of the spell. Lest casual readers think a few magic words and white tapers will make them blissfully happy ever after, the author reminds us “love isn’t a trifle . . . it takes courage, perseverance and wisdom to make any relationship work.” Joanna Brichetto lives and loves in Nashville.

ous advice for would-be lovers Why do fools fall in love? Perhaps only fools attempt to reason why. Luckily for lovers and would-be lovers, an engaging new crop of books dares to delve into the mystery.

The Girl Code: The Secret Language of…
Family & Relationships

Review

Review by bookpagedev

ous advice for would-be lovers Why do fools fall in love? Perhaps only fools attempt to reason why. Luckily for lovers and would-be lovers, an engaging new crop of books dares to delve into the mystery.

The Girl Code: The Secret Language of Single Women by Diane Farr is a delightful romp through the dating world. The author, former cohost of MTV’s Loveline and a contributor of dating advice to Cosmopolitan, uses a cheeky, up-front tone that befits advice on modern liaisons. As an “homage to friendship,” it is a welcome antidote to the plethora of dating “rule books” prescribing pre-feminist deceit and manipulation. It even dares to assert that a woman can be complete without a man. (She does, however, need good girlfriends.) The code offers inventive vernacular for various body parts, dating situations and types of men. With it, you too can respect the Ugly Underwear Rule, identify the Bad Hygiene Stage with Mr. Right Now, deal with Rug Burn and endorse Girl Patrol. For etiquette any single girl could use, check out the tongue-in-cheek, yet entirely sensible “Code of Behavior &and Ethics,” which details boundaries good girlfriends never cross. The Girl Code makes a great bridesmaid token or gift for a buddy in any stage of the dating drama.

Thirty marriage and family experts team up in Why Do Fools Fall in Love? Experiencing the Magic, Mystery, and Meaning of Successful Relationships, edited by Janice R. Levine and Howard J. Markman. Diverse essays attempt to explain how we fall in love, stay in love, and how love gives life meaning. By looking at evidence from master marriages (as opposed to disaster marriages), we can learn what “chemistry” really is beyond endocrine glands. Sneak peeks at celebrity marriages and insightful marginalia jazz up a thoughtful, attractive book good for ailing or successful relationships.

Another approach to the mysteries of enduring love is a systematic plan from therapist and relationship coach Dr. Mark Goulston.

In The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship: How To Fall in Love Again and Stay There, he identifies and explores six “pillars” upon which every relationship rests: chemistry, respect, enjoyment, acceptance, trust and empathy. Case studies, worksheets and insights go beyond theory to offer realistic steps toward goals. The plan is tailored to appeal to the sensibilities of women and men, which is a refreshing change from the many self-help books aimed solely at women. The Marriage Plan: How to Marry Your Soul Mate in One Year or Less by Aggie Jordan also takes the high road with a plan based on honesty and self awareness. The goal is not just to make it to the altar, but to make it there with a soul mate. A 13-step plan will, if not guarantee complete victory within the time limit, at least leave you exquisitely attuned to authentic needs and clear-cut goals, not to mention poised to recognize and attract Mr. Right. The author’s credentials are impressive. After decades of teaching goal-setting and achievement to Fortune 500 executives, Jordan simply applies the same positive, practical approaches to marriage. Be careful what you wish for: with a plan like this, it is likely to come true.

Another new book that gets right down to the business of love is Prenups for Lovers: A Romantic Guide to Prenuptial Agreements, by Arlene G. Dubin. At first glance, the title may seem like an oxymoron, but smart couples will find this a wise guide from the ring to the altar. The very first chapter will convince skeptical readers the dreaded p-word is not just for celebrities or creeps with more cash than commitment. Think of a prenup as a financial housekeeping tool, a handy way to start a lifetime commitment to financial planning. The author admits money is harder to talk about than sex, but couples who “invest” in a prenup will be more likely to remain a couple (70% of all divorces are caused by financial conflict). Prenups require full disclosure, compromise and open communication: three things crucial to the beginning of a lasting marriage. Samples and individual profiles show how a prenup can easily be tailored for any situation, even when the couple is already married. What if prenups and pragmatic plans aren’t your cup of tea? Brew up your own Love Potion #9 with Silver’s Spells for Love. Best-selling author Silver Raven Wolf shares over a hundred “magikcal” recipes to get love, keep love and even get rid of love. Romantic love gets the most attention with intricate spells like Lust Powder and “Come Jump Me” Love-Drawing Oil, but other kinds of love get neat spells too. Summon a new pet into your life, find a job you adore, open yourself to new friendships, welcome a baby into the world. Spells require fairly ordinary supplies like candles, herbs and common household items. The most potent ingredient, however, seems to be intent: the sincerity and focus of the weaver of the spell. Lest casual readers think a few magic words and white tapers will make them blissfully happy ever after, the author reminds us “love isn’t a trifle . . . it takes courage, perseverance and wisdom to make any relationship work.” Joanna Brichetto lives and loves in Nashville.

ous advice for would-be lovers Why do fools fall in love? Perhaps only fools attempt to reason why. Luckily for lovers and would-be lovers, an engaging new crop of books dares to delve into the mystery.

The Girl Code: The Secret Language of…
Family & Relationships

Review

Review by bookpagedev

ous advice for would-be lovers Why do fools fall in love? Perhaps only fools attempt to reason why. Luckily for lovers and would-be lovers, an engaging new crop of books dares to delve into the mystery.

The Girl Code: The Secret Language of Single Women by Diane Farr is a delightful romp through the dating world. The author, former cohost of MTV’s Loveline and a contributor of dating advice to Cosmopolitan, uses a cheeky, up-front tone that befits advice on modern liaisons. As an “homage to friendship,” it is a welcome antidote to the plethora of dating “rule books” prescribing pre-feminist deceit and manipulation. It even dares to assert that a woman can be complete without a man. (She does, however, need good girlfriends.) The code offers inventive vernacular for various body parts, dating situations and types of men. With it, you too can respect the Ugly Underwear Rule, identify the Bad Hygiene Stage with Mr. Right Now, deal with Rug Burn and endorse Girl Patrol. For etiquette any single girl could use, check out the tongue-in-cheek, yet entirely sensible “Code of Behavior &and Ethics,” which details boundaries good girlfriends never cross. The Girl Code makes a great bridesmaid token or gift for a buddy in any stage of the dating drama.

Thirty marriage and family experts team up in Why Do Fools Fall in Love? Experiencing the Magic, Mystery, and Meaning of Successful Relationships, edited by Janice R. Levine and Howard J. Markman. Diverse essays attempt to explain how we fall in love, stay in love, and how love gives life meaning. By looking at evidence from master marriages (as opposed to disaster marriages), we can learn what “chemistry” really is beyond endocrine glands. Sneak peeks at celebrity marriages and insightful marginalia jazz up a thoughtful, attractive book good for ailing or successful relationships.

Another approach to the mysteries of enduring love is a systematic plan from therapist and relationship coach Dr. Mark Goulston.

In The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship: How To Fall in Love Again and Stay There, he identifies and explores six “pillars” upon which every relationship rests: chemistry, respect, enjoyment, acceptance, trust and empathy. Case studies, worksheets and insights go beyond theory to offer realistic steps toward goals. The plan is tailored to appeal to the sensibilities of women and men, which is a refreshing change from the many self-help books aimed solely at women. The Marriage Plan: How to Marry Your Soul Mate in One Year or Less by Aggie Jordan also takes the high road with a plan based on honesty and self awareness. The goal is not just to make it to the altar, but to make it there with a soul mate. A 13-step plan will, if not guarantee complete victory within the time limit, at least leave you exquisitely attuned to authentic needs and clear-cut goals, not to mention poised to recognize and attract Mr. Right. The author’s credentials are impressive. After decades of teaching goal-setting and achievement to Fortune 500 executives, Jordan simply applies the same positive, practical approaches to marriage. Be careful what you wish for: with a plan like this, it is likely to come true.

Another new book that gets right down to the business of love is Prenups for Lovers: A Romantic Guide to Prenuptial Agreements, by Arlene G. Dubin. At first glance, the title may seem like an oxymoron, but smart couples will find this a wise guide from the ring to the altar. The very first chapter will convince skeptical readers the dreaded p-word is not just for celebrities or creeps with more cash than commitment. Think of a prenup as a financial housekeeping tool, a handy way to start a lifetime commitment to financial planning. The author admits money is harder to talk about than sex, but couples who “invest” in a prenup will be more likely to remain a couple (70% of all divorces are caused by financial conflict). Prenups require full disclosure, compromise and open communication: three things crucial to the beginning of a lasting marriage. Samples and individual profiles show how a prenup can easily be tailored for any situation, even when the couple is already married. What if prenups and pragmatic plans aren’t your cup of tea? Brew up your own Love Potion #9 with Silver’s Spells for Love. Best-selling author Silver Raven Wolf shares over a hundred “magikcal” recipes to get love, keep love and even get rid of love. Romantic love gets the most attention with intricate spells like Lust Powder and “Come Jump Me” Love-Drawing Oil, but other kinds of love get neat spells too. Summon a new pet into your life, find a job you adore, open yourself to new friendships, welcome a baby into the world. Spells require fairly ordinary supplies like candles, herbs and common household items. The most potent ingredient, however, seems to be intent: the sincerity and focus of the weaver of the spell. Lest casual readers think a few magic words and white tapers will make them blissfully happy ever after, the author reminds us “love isn’t a trifle . . . it takes courage, perseverance and wisdom to make any relationship work.” Joanna Brichetto lives and loves in Nashville.

ous advice for would-be lovers Why do fools fall in love? Perhaps only fools attempt to reason why. Luckily for lovers and would-be lovers, an engaging new crop of books dares to delve into the mystery.

The Girl Code: The Secret Language of…
Self-HelpFamily & Relationships

Review

Review by bookpagedev

s he approached the age of 40, Joe Kita did what many men his age have done: took stock of his life. Despite his successful career as a writer for Men’s Health magazine and a wonderful marriage, Kita realized that he had regrets. So far his story sounds familiar, but then the author took the unusual step of setting out to rectify his life’s regrets. He shares the story of that quest in Another Shot.

Inspired by Amazon.com founder Jeff Bezos, who said he would have regretted not starting the company more than if he had tried and failed, Kita reviewed his own life, identified the things he’d most regret in another 40 years and set out to do something about them. The efforts Kita chronicles in his book make inspiring and thought-provoking reading. He hunts down his first car, the one he wished he hadn’t sold, attempts to regain his sexual vigor and tries to mend fences with his mother. Although not always fully successful, Kita’s yearlong quest to relive his life provides many valuable lessons for people at any stage of their lives. One of the book’s most touching vignettes concerns Kita’s relationship with his father. Although Kita refers to his father’s love, warmth and wisdom throughout Another Shot, he reveals his regret that his father died before he could tell him how much that love meant to him. His quest to ease that regret brought Kita to a clairvoyant who had a reputation for contacting spirits of the departed. The medium helpfully provided Kita with an audiotape of the session. Kita revisited it several times with his family, who agreed that the medium either had some connection to his father or was an incredibly lucky, if not fully accurate, guesser. The emotions Kita conveys from his regret at his father’s sudden death to the awe at possibly contacting him are among the book’s most powerful. Significantly, Kita is not always able to turn his regrets around, but invariably the effort is rewarding. Indeed, Kita’s occasional failures are nearly as inspiring as his successes. Even when he doesn’t achieve his goal, he is enriched by the experience. And this lesson functions both as an example and a caution sometimes you can change things about your life, and sometimes an opportunity comes only once. Readers should seize the opportunity to read Another Shot and take its lessons to heart.

Gregory Harris is a writer and editor living in Indianapolis.

s he approached the age of 40, Joe Kita did what many men his age have done: took stock of his life. Despite his successful career as a writer for Men's Health magazine and a wonderful marriage, Kita realized that he had regrets. So far…
NonfictionMemoirFamily & Relationships

Where the Children Take Us

Review by Alice Cary

When Zain Ejiofor Asher was 5, her father—a larger-than-life personality who was training to be a doctor—was touring his Nigerian homeland with his 11-year-old son, Chiwetel. Not long before they were expected home in London, Asher’s pregnant mother, Obiajulu, received a life-changing phone call: The pair had been in a car accident, and only one had survived. Obiajulu had to fly to Nigeria to find out it was her husband who had died.

As Asher writes, “There is tragedy in my story, but my story is not a tragedy. It is a story of grit, grace, and perhaps above all, an extraordinary story of extraordinary triumph that I want to share with the world.” Where the Children Take Us: How One Family Achieved the Unimaginable is an ode to her parents—who both achieved success despite facing civil war and famine—and especially to her mother. Asher is a master storyteller as she interweaves both of her parents’ life stories with her own upbringing. Thoughtful emotion and striking immediacy fill every scene, making for a mesmerizing read from start to finish.

Asher’s parents owned a small pharmacy in London, which Obiajulu continued to run after she became a widow. Meanwhile, her life’s work became ensuring her children’s success, following her firm belief that formal education was key to survival. She began a family book club, requiring each child to read and discuss a book every week. She plastered their walls with inspirational photos of “uplifters”—successful Black people, especially Nigerians. When 9-year-old Asher experienced racism from her peers, her mother sent Asher to live with relatives in Nigeria for two years, a common practice among Nigerians known as “shipping back.” There, she had to walk a mile to a river to fetch water for her family. Electricity was rare, and discipline was omnipresent. As Asher reminisces, “Nigeria, for all its faults, was the perfect place to toughen me up. It was an elite training ground for resilience; the West Point academy of perseverance. Survive in Nigeria for ten years and you can survive anything. Thrive in Nigeria and you can change the world.”

Thanks to Obiajulu’s determination, Asher and her three siblings are doing just that. Asher is an Oxford-educated news anchor for CNN International. Her sister is a physician; her oldest brother, an entrepreneur. And Chiwetel Ejiofor is an actor who received an Oscar nomination for his role in 12 Years a Slave.

It’s important to note that Obiajulu, for all her single-minded focus on achieving excellence—and her sometimes shocking strategies—doesn’t come off as overbearing. She empowered her children to believe in the seemingly impossible and to focus on personal achievement, not competition. Where the Children Take Us is an enlightening and entertaining read that will likely challenge readers to reexamine their views on child rearing and education.

Where the Children Take Us is an ode to Zain E. Asher’s determined, driven mother, full of thoughtful emotion and striking immediacy in every scene.

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