James Chappel’s thought-provoking Golden Years offers strategies to understand and address the needs of America’s aging population.
James Chappel’s thought-provoking Golden Years offers strategies to understand and address the needs of America’s aging population.
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Being happily single is wonderful. Many of my long-married women friends talk wistfully of their single days evenings spent with a stack of movies, a glass of wine and a huge bowl of popcorn no real cooking, no one to answer to, and no one to nix their choice of French with English subtitles in favor of something with more action. Even while searching for a soul mate, the ability to savor that solitary state is important. In her uplifting, boldly pro-woman guide to dating, It’s Not You, It’s Him: The Zero-Tolerance Approach to Dating Dr. Georgia Witkin tells readers, If you love who you are and are happy with yourself, then don’t change a thing. . . . There’s nothing wrong with you and nothing about you that you should change just to meet a guy. An assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at New York’s Mount Sinai Medical Center, Witkin tells her readers, Once you start assuming that you are perfectly loveable just the way you are, everything will change. . . . You’ll start to look at each new man through your eyes instead of looking at yourself through his. She adds emphatically: Most of all, don’t apologize for who you are. Men don’t apologize for anything. They don’t apologize for being overweight or balding, dressing like a slob or being single. Take a note and take a lesson. But Witkin isn’t anti-relationship in fact, she promotes a realistic, tolerant approach, in which women trade the myth of perfection for the math of probabilities. As she so aptly puts it, A perfect match doesn’t exist; the man who loves you does. We think single women will adore Witkin’s no-nonsense approach.

Linda Stankard writes from Nanuet, New York.

Being happily single is wonderful. Many of my long-married women friends talk wistfully of their single days evenings spent with a stack of movies, a glass of wine and a huge bowl of popcorn no real cooking, no one to answer to, and no one…
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How-to books read by folks who already know how-to can’t help but elicit rueful chuckles; imagine how a mechanic feels reading Car Repair for Dummies. Speaking as someone who’s been married twice, once three decades ago, once last year (and who was ignorant both times), I found Peter Scott’s Well Groomed to be full of laughs, some intentional, some not. Well Groomed subtitled A Wedding Planner for What’s-His-Name (And His Bride) is deliberately tongue-in-cheek humorous. When Scott draws comparisons between Bride Magazin and Penthouse, the married groom (known as the husband), laughs and shakes his head, because he knows the truth behind the laughs. Scott also brings his wry insight to bear on such exotic subjects (to the male, anyway) as The Guest List, The Reception Menu and That Pesky Wedding Day Nausea.

How-to books read by folks who already know how-to can't help but elicit rueful chuckles; imagine how a mechanic feels reading Car Repair for Dummies. Speaking as someone who's been married twice, once three decades ago, once last year (and who was ignorant both times),…
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Many new books on wedding planning take this go-your-own-way approach, not only telling couples it’s fine to do what they want, but also attempting to show them how to achieve it. Diane Meier Delaney’s The New American Wedding is a 256-page pep talk on just this subject. It convinces would-be brides and grooms that it’s perfectly acceptable to have what some would term a nontraditional wedding and shows that more couples are choosing to do their own thing. From alternative engagements (and jewelry) to different-from-normal vows, ceremony locations, attendants, showers and more, couples are finding that putting their own marks on their special day makes the ceremony and experience of their wedding much more personal and real. Delaney offers inspiration, stories and examples from her own experience and from other couples who have crafted their own ceremonies and had beautiful, heartfelt weddings as a result. Though the book sometimes reads like an ad for the author’s favorite vendors (many of whom she works with in her day job as a marketer), it is helpful to couples who want to do something different but have no idea what their options are.

Sarah E. White is a freelance writer in Arkansas.

Many new books on wedding planning take this go-your-own-way approach, not only telling couples it's fine to do what they want, but also attempting to show them how to achieve it. Diane Meier Delaney's The New American Wedding is a 256-page pep talk on just…
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John Hay modestly insisted that the unique opportunities that came his way during an extraordinary life, and the accomplishments that resulted from them, were just the result of fortunate accidents. His public career began when he was in his 20s and became the assistant private secretary to Abraham Lincoln in the White House, where, living and working in close quarters, he grew close to the president. The first entry in Hay’s diary, which he kept through most of the war, was “The White House is turned into barracks,” when—with Confederate campfires visible across the Potomac—some of the first northern volunteers arrived to defend the capital and were temporarily housed in the East Room. As he observed the president struggling day after day with momentous problems, the young man came to consider Lincoln “the greatest man of his time.”

John Taliaferro gives us a fascinating portrait of the life of a greatly gifted figure in All the Great Prizes: The Life of John Hay, from Lincoln to Roosevelt. The title comes from Hay himself, who, as he neared death, wrote, “I cling instinctively to life and the things of life, as eagerly as if I had not had my chance at happiness and gained nearly all the great prizes.”

Hay was born in Indiana and grew up in Warsaw, Illinois, a small town on the Mississippi River, where his father was a physician. Educated at Brown University, where he excelled at rhetoric and wrote a lot of poetry, he returned to Illinois and accepted an offer to read the law at the firm in Springfield where his uncle was a partner. Their office just happened to adjoin Lincoln’s. When Lincoln became a presidential candidate, Hay became an unpaid aide, whose numerous skills during the campaign and immediately after the election made him indispensable to the president-elect.

After his work with Lincoln, Hay accepted several diplomatic appointments and then became a very highly regarded and well-paid editorial writer in New York City—a career Taliaferro surmises he probably would have continued had he not married Clara Louise Stone of Cleveland, Ohio, and became part of her wealthy family. He continued to write for publication and was co-author of the highly acclaimed 10-volume Abraham Lincoln: A History. Late in his life he was among the first seven members inducted into the new American Academy of Arts and Letters, a group that included Mark Twain and William Dean Howells. (Henry James and Henry Adams were not so honored until the following year.)

As a diplomat, he was assistant secretary for Rutherford B. Hayes, after which came the government roles for which he became best known: secretary of state for both William McKinley and Theodore Roosevelt. Taliaferro details the often difficult negotiations that led to such policies as the “Open Door” toward China and the events that led up to the building of the Panama Canal. We also learn how Hay worked with the contrasting leadership styles of McKinley and Roosevelt. McKinley was kind and considerate, T.R. bombastic and ready to charge ahead, while the more moderate Hay counseled caution. Although T.R. praised Hay profusely for many attributes, he also downplayed his role in important decisions.

Hay also occupies a prominent place in The Education of Henry Adams, the unconventional autobiography (if it can be categorized as such) written by Hay’s best friend. Next to Lincoln, no one, not even his wife, played as important a role in Hay’s life as Henry Adams. They eventually had houses built next to each other in Washington and took afternoon walks together. Both were very independent and their views often differed, but they had great respect for each other, Hay as a participant in government, Adams as a spectator. They also shared an interest in Elizabeth Cameron, an impressive woman much younger than they were. Although apparently happily married to Clara, Hay remained in love with “Lizzie” until he died. Despite his sometimes romantic letters to her, it is obvious that she was never as dedicated to him as he was to her.

Taliaferro draws on many sources for his engaging biography, including his subject’s own words. Although known for his gentlemanly approach to others as well as his wit and charm, Hay was plainly aware of his place in history. He kept thousands of pages of his own writing—diaries, letters, speeches, poetry and scrapbooks of newspaper clippings about his role in the events of his time.

This balanced, insightful biography is a delight to read.

John Hay modestly insisted that the unique opportunities that came his way during an extraordinary life, and the accomplishments that resulted from them, were just the result of fortunate accidents. His public career began when he was in his 20s and became the assistant private…

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In life as in business, the evidence of success lies in what you get in exchange for your effort. Doesn’t it? Not so fast. Give and Take posits that there are three types of people in the workplace: Takers, who want to get as much value as possible; Matchers, who prioritize a fair and equal exchange; and Givers, who will help or contribute without expectations. Who do you think does best overall? Who does worst?

If you guessed “Givers” in answer to both questions, congratulations! Author and Wharton professor Adam Grant’s research reveals that those who give to excess do sometimes offer a leg up to colleagues who then walk all over them. But those who give in an “otherish” fashion, helping others but also the organization and themselves, do exceedingly well personally and financially, and are therefore in a position to give more overall.

To support his conclusions, Grant studies basketball draft decisions that looked terrible at the time but led to better things; the career arc of George Meyer, who made “The Simpsons” one of the funniest shows in television history while staying well behind the scenes; and the rise and fall of Kenneth Lay, who seemed like a Giver at first glance, but whose self-centered giving patterns were predictive of the Enron collapse.

Grant goes deep with his subject matter but keeps it entertaining for the reader; there’s a section at the end titled “Actions for Impact” which makes it clear this isn’t simply a look at an interesting idea but a manual for change. Give and Take is a must-read for HR professionals, who can surely use it to promote a more interdependent workplace, but the lessons here transfer out of the office and into the world. Read it and start your own Reciprocity Ring, chart your giving for a set period of time to see where it leads, or become a Love Machine at work and in life (don’t worry, it’s legal). We could all use more of those nowadays.

In life as in business, the evidence of success lies in what you get in exchange for your effort. Doesn’t it? Not so fast. Give and Take posits that there are three types of people in the workplace: Takers, who want to get as much…

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Not so fast, Mr. Brokaw. They won World War II, but just what did your greatest generation do in the years after they returned home to end racial discrimination, diversify and democratize the campus and the workplace, extend political rights to women and gays, protect the environment, curb military adventurism and hold government accountable for its duplicity and mistakes? Leonard Steinhorn, who teaches communications at American University, has had enough of this giddy adulation of World War II vets and the media’s tendency to hold them up as personal and civic role models. Steinhorn argues quite persuasively in The Greater Generation that it is the baby boomers, particularly the ones born just after World War II, whose monumental good works have moved this country closest to its founding ideals, even as they were being mocked and denigrated. The far right routinely depicts boomers as self-indulgent hypocrites, all style and no moral or intellectual substance. Quite the opposite, says Steinhorn. Empowered by their vast numbers and network of like-minded peers, [boomers] became a generation unafraid to examine the precepts on which society and their identity stood. . . . Boomers began to challenge old assumptions, modify outmoded laws, modernize personal and institutional relationships, and change the social values that guide the way we live and act toward one another. Instead of reading doom into recent conservative political victories, Steinhorn sees them as the last gasps of a foiled generation that is dying out. He maintains that the best evidence that boomers have won the cultural war is that even the most conservative politicians have to cloak themselves in boomer rhetoric to survive. Whatever their private views, he says, they dare not be openly racist, sexist, homophobic or environmentally insensitive. (They have talk-show surrogates for that.) While lauding the boomers, Steinhorn says they have more to do before they shuffle off into oblivion continuing the fight for a better environment, promoting greater integration of races and cultures, defending and extending the particular interests of older women, insisting on more transparency from government and not least demanding suitable recognition for their own contributions.

Not so fast, Mr. Brokaw. They won World War II, but just what did your greatest generation do in the years after they returned home to end racial discrimination, diversify and democratize the campus and the workplace, extend political rights to women and gays,…

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