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ParentingFamily & Relationships

Life lessons for Father’s Day

Review by bookpagedev

<b>Life lessons for Father’s Day</b> <b>Big Shoes: In Celebration of Dads and Fatherhood</b> by Al Roker and Friends offers a charming compilation of memories and observations from celebrities, writers, athletes and more. Contribu-tors from Jimmy Buffet to Nina Totenberg share their experiences of their fathers and their thoughts on the importance and meaning of fatherhood. There are a few weak notes, but the majority of the stories are both warm and heartwarming, while others touch the soul with a bittersweet grace. <i>Howard Shirley is a son and a father.</i>

<b>Life lessons for Father's Day</b> <b>Big Shoes: In Celebration of Dads and Fatherhood</b> by Al Roker and Friends offers a charming compilation of memories and observations from celebrities, writers, athletes and more. Contribu-tors from Jimmy Buffet to Nina Totenberg share their experiences of their fathers…
ParentingFamily & Relationships

Fear of parenting

Review by bookpagedev

Take charge with advice geared to help you survive raising children Snakes, public speaking, flying, death: many people cite one of these as their greatest fear, but obviously parenting was not listed among the choices on their questionnaires. Nothing could be more intimidating, more hair-raising than the prospect of being handed a helpless infant and expected to nurture it into a capable adult. Cynthia L. Copeland understands the daunting quality of the task at hand. Her light-hearted yet heart-lifting book, The Diaper Diaries: The Real Poop on a New Mom’s First Year (Workman, $8.95, 256 pages, ISBN 0761128603) is for moms, by a mom and at under $10, it’s a bargain. Armed with this book and what this mother of three identifies as the essential ingredient for surviving motherhood a healthy sense of humor first-timers can face everything from discomfiting body changes to the breast vs. bottle dilemma.

Along with dirty-diaper disasters, laughter-inducing sections include “Projecting the Future,” which compares a proud mother’s wishful thinking about her baby’s traits to their more likely outcomes. When your baby “is not afraid of getting shots at the pediatrician’s office,” she writes, you are apt to envision the child becoming a world-famous humanitarian like Dr. Jonas Salk. But Coleman injects her own needle of reality, humorously predicting that the child will more likely become a tattoo artist in Atlantic City.

Mingled with her “been there, done that, and you can too” humor (and smile-invoking illustrations) is some sage advice. Copeland suggests using an empty box, the ground or “indestructible daddy” to entertain baby, rather than store-bought, expensive paraphernalia. And she wisely warns new moms about the “All-Baby, All-the-Time” trap. “Sweet newborns turn into cranky two-year-olds who become close to intolerable 13-year-olds,” she cautions. “But your husband will always be the same good guy who thinks you have a cute butt and makes the world’s best lasagna.” No matter how well you survive that first year, however, issues of discipline will surface along with your child’s first utterance of defiance. (Typically, the word “NO.”) No More Misbehavin’: 38 Difficult Behaviors and How to Stop Them (Jossey-Bass, $14.95, 352 pages, ISBN 0787966177), by Michele Borba Ed.

D., offers an in-depth examination of 38 specific behaviors, from shyness to stealing, and step-by-step instructions on how to modify them. Each chapter contains strategies and tips, a behavior makeover plan, and a place to record your family’s progress. If you are the mother of a daughter approaching her teens, you’ll appreciate a new book written specifically for this troublesome stage, When We’re in Public, Pretend You Don’t Know Me: Surviving Your Daughter’s Adolescence so You Don’t Look Like an Idiot and She Still Talks to You by Susan Borowitz. The author acknowledges that the friction that develops between mothers and their maturing daughters is a natural outgrowth of the daughter’s need to create her own identity. The trick for mothers is to stay connected during this tumultuous time, and Borowitz offers a wealth of ways to keep the lines of communication open. “Kids are at their most vulnerable when they go to bed and therefore are much more inclined to be open with you,” she writes, explaining that her nighttime talks with her own teenage daughter proved among the most “fruitful and connecting” during those difficult years. Finally, we’ll close with a book we hope you don’t need, but if the “D” word has crept into your life, this volume may be the most important one in our lineup. What About the Kids? Raising Your Children Before, During, and After Divorce (Hyperion, $23.95, 400 pages, ISBN 0786868651), by Judith S. Wallerstein and Sandra Blakeslee, is a comprehensive guide for helping ease the effects of divorce. Wallerstein is the author of The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce, a bestseller that delved into the long-term effects of divorce on children. In What About the Kids? she addresses the problems that occur at different stages of the breakup and different ages of the affected children. Wallerstein doesn’t flinch in tackling painful subjects, offering advice from her many years of counseling families. “Parenting is always a hazardous undertaking,” she writes. “Much of the time it’s like climbing a mountain trail that disappears and reappears, making you wonder if you’re still headed for the top or if you’re stranded on a cliff. But parenting in a divorced or remarried family is harder it’s like climbing that same trail in a blizzard, blinded by emotions and events out of your control.” Parenting may be the most frightening, difficult thing you ever do, but you should be able to survive it and live to enjoy the fruits of your labor with guidance from these parenting veterans. Linda Stankard, a writer in New York, is a survivor of parenting.

Take charge with advice geared to help you survive raising children Snakes, public speaking, flying, death: many people cite one of these as their greatest fear, but obviously parenting was not listed among the choices on their questionnaires. Nothing could be more intimidating, more hair-raising…
ParentingFamily & Relationships

Fear of parenting

Review by bookpagedev

Take charge with advice geared to help you survive raising children Snakes, public speaking, flying, death: many people cite one of these as their greatest fear, but obviously parenting was not listed among the choices on their questionnaires. Nothing could be more intimidating, more hair-raising than the prospect of being handed a helpless infant and expected to nurture it into a capable adult. Cynthia L. Copeland understands the daunting quality of the task at hand. Her light-hearted yet heart-lifting book, The Diaper Diaries: The Real Poop on a New Mom’s First Year (Workman, $8.95, 256 pages, ISBN 0761128603) is for moms, by a mom and at under $10, it’s a bargain. Armed with this book and what this mother of three identifies as the essential ingredient for surviving motherhood a healthy sense of humor first-timers can face everything from discomfiting body changes to the breast vs. bottle dilemma.

Along with dirty-diaper disasters, laughter-inducing sections include “Projecting the Future,” which compares a proud mother’s wishful thinking about her baby’s traits to their more likely outcomes. When your baby “is not afraid of getting shots at the pediatrician’s office,” she writes, you are apt to envision the child becoming a world-famous humanitarian like Dr. Jonas Salk. But Coleman injects her own needle of reality, humorously predicting that the child will more likely become a tattoo artist in Atlantic City.

Mingled with her “been there, done that, and you can too” humor (and smile-invoking illustrations) is some sage advice. Copeland suggests using an empty box, the ground or “indestructible daddy” to entertain baby, rather than store-bought, expensive paraphernalia. And she wisely warns new moms about the “All-Baby, All-the-Time” trap. “Sweet newborns turn into cranky two-year-olds who become close to intolerable 13-year-olds,” she cautions. “But your husband will always be the same good guy who thinks you have a cute butt and makes the world’s best lasagna.” No matter how well you survive that first year, however, issues of discipline will surface along with your child’s first utterance of defiance. (Typically, the word “NO.”) No More Misbehavin’: 38 Difficult Behaviors and How to Stop Them, by Michele Borba Ed.

D., offers an in-depth examination of 38 specific behaviors, from shyness to stealing, and step-by-step instructions on how to modify them. Each chapter contains strategies and tips, a behavior makeover plan, and a place to record your family’s progress. If you are the mother of a daughter approaching her teens, you’ll appreciate a new book written specifically for this troublesome stage, When We’re in Public, Pretend You Don’t Know Me: Surviving Your Daughter’s Adolescence so You Don’t Look Like an Idiot and She Still Talks to You (Warner, $12.95, 208 pages, ISBN 0446679518) by Susan Borowitz. The author acknowledges that the friction that develops between mothers and their maturing daughters is a natural outgrowth of the daughter’s need to create her own identity. The trick for mothers is to stay connected during this tumultuous time, and Borowitz offers a wealth of ways to keep the lines of communication open. “Kids are at their most vulnerable when they go to bed and therefore are much more inclined to be open with you,” she writes, explaining that her nighttime talks with her own teenage daughter proved among the most “fruitful and connecting” during those difficult years. Finally, we’ll close with a book we hope you don’t need, but if the “D” word has crept into your life, this volume may be the most important one in our lineup. What About the Kids? Raising Your Children Before, During, and After Divorce (Hyperion, $23.95, 400 pages, ISBN 0786868651), by Judith S. Wallerstein and Sandra Blakeslee, is a comprehensive guide for helping ease the effects of divorce. Wallerstein is the author of The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce, a bestseller that delved into the long-term effects of divorce on children. In What About the Kids? she addresses the problems that occur at different stages of the breakup and different ages of the affected children. Wallerstein doesn’t flinch in tackling painful subjects, offering advice from her many years of counseling families. “Parenting is always a hazardous undertaking,” she writes. “Much of the time it’s like climbing a mountain trail that disappears and reappears, making you wonder if you’re still headed for the top or if you’re stranded on a cliff. But parenting in a divorced or remarried family is harder it’s like climbing that same trail in a blizzard, blinded by emotions and events out of your control.” Parenting may be the most frightening, difficult thing you ever do, but you should be able to survive it and live to enjoy the fruits of your labor with guidance from these parenting veterans. Linda Stankard, a writer in New York, is a survivor of parenting.

Take charge with advice geared to help you survive raising children Snakes, public speaking, flying, death: many people cite one of these as their greatest fear, but obviously parenting was not listed among the choices on their questionnaires. Nothing could be more intimidating, more hair-raising…
ParentingFamily & Relationships

Fear of parenting

Review by bookpagedev

Take charge with advice geared to help you survive raising children Snakes, public speaking, flying, death: many people cite one of these as their greatest fear, but obviously parenting was not listed among the choices on their questionnaires. Nothing could be more intimidating, more hair-raising than the prospect of being handed a helpless infant and expected to nurture it into a capable adult. Cynthia L. Copeland understands the daunting quality of the task at hand. Her light-hearted yet heart-lifting book, The Diaper Diaries: The Real Poop on a New Mom’s First Year is for moms, by a mom and at under $10, it’s a bargain. Armed with this book and what this mother of three identifies as the essential ingredient for surviving motherhood a healthy sense of humor first-timers can face everything from discomfiting body changes to the breast vs. bottle dilemma.

Along with dirty-diaper disasters, laughter-inducing sections include “Projecting the Future,” which compares a proud mother’s wishful thinking about her baby’s traits to their more likely outcomes. When your baby “is not afraid of getting shots at the pediatrician’s office,” she writes, you are apt to envision the child becoming a world-famous humanitarian like Dr. Jonas Salk. But Coleman injects her own needle of reality, humorously predicting that the child will more likely become a tattoo artist in Atlantic City.

Mingled with her “been there, done that, and you can too” humor (and smile-invoking illustrations) is some sage advice. Copeland suggests using an empty box, the ground or “indestructible daddy” to entertain baby, rather than store-bought, expensive paraphernalia. And she wisely warns new moms about the “All-Baby, All-the-Time” trap. “Sweet newborns turn into cranky two-year-olds who become close to intolerable 13-year-olds,” she cautions. “But your husband will always be the same good guy who thinks you have a cute butt and makes the world’s best lasagna.” No matter how well you survive that first year, however, issues of discipline will surface along with your child’s first utterance of defiance. (Typically, the word “NO.”) No More Misbehavin’: 38 Difficult Behaviors and How to Stop Them (Jossey-Bass, $14.95, 352 pages, ISBN 0787966177), by Michele Borba Ed.

D., offers an in-depth examination of 38 specific behaviors, from shyness to stealing, and step-by-step instructions on how to modify them. Each chapter contains strategies and tips, a behavior makeover plan, and a place to record your family’s progress. If you are the mother of a daughter approaching her teens, you’ll appreciate a new book written specifically for this troublesome stage, When We’re in Public, Pretend You Don’t Know Me: Surviving Your Daughter’s Adolescence so You Don’t Look Like an Idiot and She Still Talks to You (Warner, $12.95, 208 pages, ISBN 0446679518) by Susan Borowitz. The author acknowledges that the friction that develops between mothers and their maturing daughters is a natural outgrowth of the daughter’s need to create her own identity. The trick for mothers is to stay connected during this tumultuous time, and Borowitz offers a wealth of ways to keep the lines of communication open. “Kids are at their most vulnerable when they go to bed and therefore are much more inclined to be open with you,” she writes, explaining that her nighttime talks with her own teenage daughter proved among the most “fruitful and connecting” during those difficult years. Finally, we’ll close with a book we hope you don’t need, but if the “D” word has crept into your life, this volume may be the most important one in our lineup. What About the Kids? Raising Your Children Before, During, and After Divorce (Hyperion, $23.95, 400 pages, ISBN 0786868651), by Judith S. Wallerstein and Sandra Blakeslee, is a comprehensive guide for helping ease the effects of divorce. Wallerstein is the author of The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce, a bestseller that delved into the long-term effects of divorce on children. In What About the Kids? she addresses the problems that occur at different stages of the breakup and different ages of the affected children. Wallerstein doesn’t flinch in tackling painful subjects, offering advice from her many years of counseling families. “Parenting is always a hazardous undertaking,” she writes. “Much of the time it’s like climbing a mountain trail that disappears and reappears, making you wonder if you’re still headed for the top or if you’re stranded on a cliff. But parenting in a divorced or remarried family is harder it’s like climbing that same trail in a blizzard, blinded by emotions and events out of your control.” Parenting may be the most frightening, difficult thing you ever do, but you should be able to survive it and live to enjoy the fruits of your labor with guidance from these parenting veterans. Linda Stankard, a writer in New York, is a survivor of parenting.

Take charge with advice geared to help you survive raising children Snakes, public speaking, flying, death: many people cite one of these as their greatest fear, but obviously parenting was not listed among the choices on their questionnaires. Nothing could be more intimidating, more hair-raising…
NonfictionParentingMemoirFamily & RelationshipsBiography

Give mom the gift of good reading

Review by Amy Scribner

Finding the perfect gift for Mother's Day can be about as much fun as shopping for, say, new tires. Does your mom really need another coffee mug, or yet another bottle of bubble bath? Fortunately, this year there is a book for every taste, from the heartbreaking to the sublimely bizarre.

Read, white and blue
One might expect longtime Republican adviser Mary Matalin's new book to be a juicy peek inside the George W. Bush White House, but that's not the case. Letters to My Daughters is a collection of tender essays on life and love written to Matalin's two young daughters. The letters are exceptionally personal; Matalin displays a vulnerability one would not expect from the fiery conservative seen on TV. She writes about sex, body image, female friendship and other thorny topics her daughters are sure to face in the not-so-distant future. Matalin weaves wonderful life lessons into her tales, encouraging her daughters to travel widely and find careers about which they feel passionate.

Not surprisingly, the book isn't entirely nonpartisan family fare. Although Matalin writes that she and her husband Democratic political consultant James Carville try not to influence their daughters' political leanings, she can't resist tucking a few digs at Bill Clinton and Ralph Nader into her letters, just as she can't help a few laudatory mentions of the current president. Matalin's daughters are sure to count this book among their most prized possessions, and readers outside the Matalin/Carville clan Republican, Democrat or independent will find much to love in it as well.

Mutter dearest
There's no way around it, Let Me Go is a tough read without a happy ending. It is, however, a courageous book with many rewards for the reader. Helga Schneider's mother abandoned her family when Schneider was just four years old. Her reason for leaving was horrific: she became an officer in the Nazi SS, highly regarded for her cold-blooded work as a guard at the Auschwitz-Birkenau concentration camp. Let Me Go recounts Schneider's reluctant final encounters with her mother, by then a frail old woman in a Vienna nursing home. It is an exceptional series of visits in which a daughter searches for the hint of humanity that might allow her to forgive her long-absent mother. Schneider interrogates her about her brutal work during the war, demanding answers the older woman is ill-equipped to give. Schneider's anger bubbles just under the surface on every page. Her mother's pride in her work in the SS is undeniable. "I never stopped feeling proud, and worthy, to have belonged to the Germany of our great FŸhrer," she tells her daughter. This is not what Schneider wants to hear, but it is what she gets and she relays it honestly in this searing, bare bones memoir.

Mame and company
Aunts sometimes seem like cooler, less judgmental versions of mom. They come by this designation somewhat unfairly, of course, since aunts are free to act like a hip older friend while moms are stuck doing the thankless business of actually mothering. Nonetheless, as the introduction to Aunties: Thirty-Five Writers Celebrate Their Other Motherlaments, there is no Auntie's Day. This book, edited by Ingrid Sturgis, aims to change that. Written by a variety of contributors, Aunties includes poignant, well-rounded tributes to an eclectic assortment of women who hail from all corners of the country. One aunt is a tough woman who raised two children alone in the poverty of sweltering south Texas. Another is a voluptuous 40-something beauty who loves form-fitting clothes and proclaims, "I don't care what people say. I live for me!"

It could happen to you
What woman hasn't moaned the title words of I'm Becoming My Motherwith a mixture of pride and horror? This hilariously quirky gift book offers a wink at the traditional notions of motherhood and domesticity. Colorful, '50s-retro photos of women in aprons and pearls are captioned with words that are, it can be safely said, unexpected. Author Anne Taintor tweaks the conventional notions of happy family by pairing tranquil scenes of home and hearth with acidic quips. One woman grins maniacally as she sits in front of a sewing machine, saying "Curtains! Slipcovers! This must be Heaven!" A mother-and-child photo is accompanied by this bon mot: "Wow! I get to give birth AND change diapers!" Every page of this slightly off-balance book yields a chuckle. This just might be the perfect book for any mom who hates vacuuming but loves a good laugh.

Amy Scribner writes from Turnwater, Washington.

Finding the perfect gift for Mother's Day can be about as much fun as shopping for, say, new tires. Does your mom really need another coffee mug, or yet another bottle of bubble bath? Fortunately, this year there is a book for every taste, from…

ParentingFamily & Relationships

Mothers know best

Review by bookpagedev

A working mother of two boys, Katherine Ellison gives us The Mommy Brain: How Motherhood Makes Us Smarter. “A modern affliction called ÔMommy Brain’,” she writes, “is a cheerful synonym for abrupt mental decline. The phrase summons the image of a ditzy pregnant woman who weeps at Kleenex commercials, or of a frazzled mom with nothing in her head but carpool schedules and grocery lists.” But Ellison argues that the diverse demands of motherhood actually improve the brain’s plasticity, the formation of new neurons and connections. “What stimulates us in a sense re-creates us, creating new and stronger pathways between synapses.” She names five attributes of a “baby-boosted brain,” including perception, emotional intelligence and efficiency. A well-documented resource book for women’s studies, The Mommy Brain would also make a great gift for a sleep-deprived new mother who feels like she can’t think anymore! Linda Stankard is a mother and a daughter.

A working mother of two boys, Katherine Ellison gives us The Mommy Brain: How Motherhood Makes Us Smarter. "A modern affliction called ÔMommy Brain'," she writes, "is a cheerful synonym for abrupt mental decline. The phrase summons the image of a ditzy pregnant woman who…
ParentingFamily & Relationships

Remembering Dear Ol’ Dad

Review by bookpagedev

<B>Remembering Dear Ol’ Dad</B> With Father’s Day fast approaching, we’ve taken the opportunity to delve into several new books that examine the bond between fathers and children. Whether you’re interested in a gift for Dad or a chance to ponder the importance of a father’s role, these four selections offer meaningful ways to mark the occasion.

<B>Keeping his priorities straight</B> Offer dad a little love and encouragement with <!–BPLINK=0071422226–><B>My List: 24 Reflections on Life’s Priorities</B><!–ENDBPLINK–> (McGraw-Hill, $14.95, 80 pages, ISBN 0071422226), an inspiring book that will get him to focus on the important things in life. Based on the hit country single written by Nashville tunesmiths Rand Bishop and Tim James, the book will help readers put the song’s powerful message into play. With a foreword by singer Toby Keith, who made the single a chart-topper, the book advises readers to set and achieve simple goals that can make life more fulfilling, including going for a walk, playing catch with the kids and sleeping late. It’s a rewarding little read, filled with sparkling photos, Bible verses and memorable quotes, that’s just right for stressed-out dads. And the enclosed CD of the single will keep him humming. <B>Doing his fatherly duty</B> A father follows his son into the world of scouting in <B>Scout’s Honor: A Father’s Unlikely Foray into the Woods</B>. Author Peter Applebome was never a Boy Scout himself, so he was surprised (and a bit dubious) when his son Ben decided to join Troop 1 of Chappaqua Falls in upstate New York. As he learns to camp and canoe along with the boys, he discovers the rewards of the great outdoors and a deeper connection with his son. Applebome comes to appreciate his son’s decision to join the troop, chronicling his journey from skeptic to Scout with humor, ease and honesty. <I>Scout’s Honor</I> will be enjoyed by anyone with an interest in the outdoors and the crucial, ever-evolving father-son bond.

<B>Adopted fathers ease a boy’s painful loss</B> Moved by reading about the victims of 9/11, many of whom left behind families with young children, writer Kevin Sweeney was prompted to recall his own experience of losing his father when he was three years old. The resulting memoir, <!–BPLINK=0060511923–><B>Father Figures</B><!–ENDBPLINK–> (Regan, $22.95, pages, ISBN 0060511923), is both a nostalgic recollection of growing up during the 1960s in a large Irish-Catholic family and a perceptive exploration of grief’s long-term toll. Comforted by friends, neighbors and teachers and mentored by a stoic older brother, the young Sweeney bravely soldiers on after his father’s death. At the age of eight, he decides to “adopt” three adult men to serve as his role models and guides to manhood. Each man unknowingly lends valuable assistance to the boy on his sometimes painful journey through childhood and adolescence. Poignant without being maudlin, Sweeney’s story beautifully conveys the significance of a father’s role and offers hope that even the most profound of life’s tragedies can be endured and overcome.

<B>Death opens a door</B> It’s never too late to repair your relationship with your father (or child). That’s the message of Barry Neil Kaufman’s inspiring memoir, <!–BPLINK=1932073027–><B>No Regrets: Last Chance for a Father and Son</B><!–ENDBPLINK–> (New World Library, $22.95, 320 pages, ISBN 1932073027). Kaufman was a successful author, counselor and father when he received a call from his own 83-year-old father, who had just been diagnosed with lymphatic cancer. Despite a long-standing rift between the two, the father’s illness is greeted by Kaufman as an opportunity for reconnecting with his parent. “Even if he never knew or understood me, I could, at least, come to know him if I opened my heart,” Kaufman writes. The two eventually put their difficult relationship behind and forge new bonds that comfort both the ailing father and his determined son.

<B>Remembering Dear Ol' Dad</B> With Father's Day fast approaching, we've taken the opportunity to delve into several new books that examine the bond between fathers and children. Whether you're interested in a gift for Dad or a chance to ponder the importance of a father's…
Religion & SpiritualityParentingLifestylesHealth & FitnessFamily & Relationships

Holiday treats for the women in your life

Review by Rebecca Denton

Let's be honest. For many women, the holiday season isn't entirely joyful. They spend untold hours shopping, baking, cleaning and traveling like madwomen, and they deserve a little reward. We've selected an array of books designed to give your mother, wife, sister or best friend a respite from the hectic holidays. Covering everything from beauty advice to the miracle of birth, these gift selections aim to refresh mind, body and spirit and not a moment too soon.

When was the last time you really savored a cup of coffee, or paused to listen to a songbird? For most women, it's been awhile, and Sarah Ban Breathnach is out to change that. During the 1980s, Ban Breathnach lost her senses literally. A ceiling panel fell on her head in a restaurant, leaving her extremely sensitive to touch and sound, and unable to taste or smell for months. Bedridden and disoriented, she was struck by a profound yearning for simple pleasures, such as the taste of a ripe peach or the smell of freshly washed clothes. After she recovered, Ban Breathnach compiled her thoughts in her best-selling Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy, and Something More, among others. In the same vein comes her new release, Romancing the Ordinary, a guide to rediscovering the mystery and surprise in everyday life. This inspirational litany of recipes, rituals, decorating hints, fashion and gardening tips is intended to reinvigorate body and soul. With chapters designed to be read in increments throughout the year, Ban Breathnach invites female readers to join her on a journey to renew their sense of wonder and bask in ordinary delights.

Beauty knows no bounds, including age. That's the theme of makeup guru Bobbi Brown's new book, Bobbi Brown Beauty Evolution: A Guide to a Lifetime of Beauty. Written with Sally Wadyka, Brown's guide takes a practical look at the changing face of beauty. Each chapter focuses on a different stage of life and outlines the shifts women should make in their beauty routines through the years. This down-to-earth reference encourages women to celebrate their looks at any age and gives them the know-how to get started from choosing the right makeup brushes to selecting a flattering hair color. Brown's book also includes a section on beauty and health tips for pregnant women, for those going through chemotherapy, and for those considering plastic surgery. It presents interviews with women about self-image and a section on makeovers. A chapter full of grooming tips for men rounds out the mix. With a warm, inclusive tone and more than 300 glossy, color photographs, Beauty Evolution redefines beauty and celebrates it across the generations.

Supermodel Christy Turlington may be rich and gorgeous, but she's also a thoughtful, spiritual woman dedicated to living a balanced existence. In Living Yoga: Creating a Life Practice, the cover girl and serious yoga student presents the basics of the practice, interspersed with reflections and anecdotes about her ongoing journey toward personal discovery. In straightforward prose, Turlington tells how her dedication to the ancient art has helped her weather difficult times, including her father's death from lung cancer. She describes the benefits of meditation, clears up some common misunderstandings about yoga and explains the philosophy behind different poses. Complete with a history of yoga, an overview of different styles, an extensive glossary of terms and a resource directory, this elegantly illustrated book is ideal for beginners or advanced practitioners looking for some inner equilibrium.

If you're searching for the perfect gift to bestow on expectant mothers, look no further than From Conception to Birth: A Life Unfoldsby Alexander Tsiaras, with text by Barry Werth. This lavishly designed book combines stunning visual art with medical science to present a child's development in the womb as never seen before. Scientific visualization software, designed and patented by Tsiaras, presents the developing baby from new angles and in luminous images "painted" by Tsiaras on the computer. The accompanying text explains how a child's life begins, starting with the basics. It also includes information about heredity, DNA, infertility and more all written in an engaging, light style. Absorbing from a scientific as well as an artistic perspective, From Conception to Birth is the kind of book that parents-to-be will consult in wonderment throughout the pregnancy and beyond.

And finally, in a delightfully small package comes a tribute to that most feminine of carrying cases the purse. Who would have thought that so much could be inferred, stated and communicated about the purses, pocketbooks and handbags in which nearly every woman carries her necessities, conveniences and other mysterious paraphernalia? In Handbags: The Power of the Purse author Anna Johnson examines the evolution of the purse, from the era when it brought independence to women (who previously relied on men to carry items for them), to today's functional and fashionable trends.

Purses of all shapes, sizes and materials announce the carrier's character and status from former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher's chunky "trusty companion" to Grace Kelly's elegant Hermes Haute Courroies bag. Most women aren't content to own just one or two purses; there must be choices fit for work and play, fun and function, day and evening. With more than 900 color photographs, Handbags aims to capture every imaginable variety of the purse, from beaded to brocaded, from dainty to downright dorky. This wallet-sized selection would make an ideal stocking stuffer for the fashion-conscious lady on your list.

Let's be honest. For many women, the holiday season isn't entirely joyful. They spend untold hours shopping, baking, cleaning and traveling like madwomen, and they deserve a little reward. We've selected an array of books designed to give your mother, wife, sister or best…

ParentingFamily & Relationships

Alison Gopnik

Interview by Amy Scribner

Flipping through the channels one recent morning, I landed on a cable infomercial showing a 14-month-old strapped in his high chair, sippy cup by his side. His mother stood in front of him, running through a set of flash cards each printed with a single word.

“Monkey!” yelled the child gleefully. “Clap!”

A voiceover on the ad urged parents to grab the small window of opportunity and give their children the edge they’ll need for lifelong success. As seen on TV, it seems, even infants and toddlers need a competitive edge to succeed in life.
Enter Alison Gopnik, an influential child psychologist and philosopher whose research at the University of California Berkeley is changing the way we think about the lives of children.

In her fascinating and thought-provoking new book, The Philosophical Baby, Gopnik argues that instead of relying on the same old how-to-get-your-child-to-sleep parenting books and gimmicky get-smart-quick products, parents should simply embrace their children’s youngest years as a necessary time for exploration and imagination. She posits that young humans are “useless on purpose,” unable to care for themselves in even the most basic ways, so that they can focus on what Gopnik calls research and development. The most intelligent and flexible species, she says, are usually the ones with the longest periods of childhood.

“I want parents to appreciate the wonder and complexity of what’s going on in their children’s lives,” Gopnik said in a recent phone interview from her home in Berkeley. “This is not a pseudo science—do this and your baby will be smarter. I don’t want them to come away [from my book] with any kind of formula for making their child better!”
Still, Gopnik understands the attraction of books and toys promising smarter, more successful children. It’s linked, she said, to a fragmented society where fewer and fewer people have experienced caring for other children before having their own.

“It’s a fact that for most of human history, almost everyone becomes a parent and more significantly at some point before becoming a parent, they took care of other children,” says Gopnik. “Taking care of children was just part of what it meant to be human. It’s only fairly recently that you have people who have babies who’ve never taken care of babies before—even held a baby.”

The oldest of six children, Gopnik certainly grew up taking care of babies. Even as a young girl, she says, she was fascinated both by children and by philosophy. The daughter of two college professors, she was reading Plato at 10 and is considered a leader in her field of study. Her brother, Adam, is a well-known author and staff writer for The New Yorker. Another brother, Blake, is the Washington Post art critic. Yet for all that, she is strikingly down-to-earth, warm and bubbling with enthusiasm when talking about her work. The mother of three grown sons, she sees children not as research subjects but as an essential part of the universal conversation about who we are.

“We raise children, and live with them every day,” she said. “It always seemed to me, even growing up, that we should talk about babies with the same seriousness and importance as any other topic. I’m always surprised at parties that the conversation around babies is how to get them to sleep, and that’s it. Then it’s, oh, no, let’s talk about real estate or something grown up.”

In The Philosophical Baby, Gopnik argues that young children have been unfairly omitted from the broader conversation about human nature—consider this from the chapter titled “Babies and the Meaning of Life:

“What makes life meaningful, beautiful and morally significant? Is there something that we care about more than we care about ourselves? What endures beyond death?

“For most parents, in day-to-day, simple, ordinary life, there is an obvious answer to these questions—even if it isn’t the only answer. Our children give point and purpose to our lives. They are beautiful (with a small dispensation for chicken pox, scraped knees and runny noses), and the words and images they create are beautiful too. They are at the root of our deepest moral dilemmas and greatest moral triumphs. We care more about our children than we do about ourselves. Our children live on after we are gone, and this gives us a kind of immortality.”

And yet, she goes on, children are rarely considered or even mentioned in thousands of years of thinking about human nature and immortality. Shouldn’t we look to the creation of the next generation as part of what gives life meaning?

For all the heavy subject matter, The Philosophical Baby is never ponderous. In fact, Gopnik explores the subject of how children think with a fresh, enthusiastic and wry voice. She draws on memories from her own childhood, weaving in lively and even poignant details from research sessions she’s conducted over her years in the field and other anecdotes.

In a chapter exploring the purpose of imaginary friends, Gopnik recounts her three-year-old niece Olivia’s imaginary friend, Charlie Ravioli, who seemingly helped her understand the busy Manhattan culture in which she was growing up. Charlie Ravioli, you see, was not a very accessible friend. Olivia often left him pretend voice mail messages imploring him to call her.

Fun and fascinating, The Philosophical Baby is a must-read for anyone who wants to better understand child development and what it means to be human.

“It matters the way all science matters,” Gopnik says. “It matters for the same reason finding out about black holes matters, finding out about DNA matters. We have to acknowledge just how important a part children are of our lives.”

Amy Scribner is the mother of two young children who would probably prefer to chew or color on flash cards.

Flipping through the channels one recent morning, I landed on a cable infomercial showing a 14-month-old strapped in his high chair, sippy cup by his side. His mother stood in front of him, running through a set of flash cards each printed with a single…

ParentingFamily & Relationships

Scott Simon

Interview by Jay MacDonald

Since Scott Simon has chronicled the American experience for years as the host of NPR’s “Weekend Edition,” it seems only fitting that he should apply his prizewinning reportorial skills to a personal experience that has enriched his life beyond his wildest dreams: adopting a child.

In his new memoir Baby, We Were Meant for Each Other, the congenial moderator invites us into the family he and his wife Caroline created when they adopted two Chinese daughters based on little more than thumb-size snapshots. Being a gracious host, he also shares other adoption stories within his circle of friends that includes sportswriter Frank Deford, Freakonomics author Steve Levitt and celebrated fashion designer Alexander Julian.

Elise, now 7, and Paulina, a precocious 3½, have become the center of Simon’s world. “I am the spoiler-in-chief,” admits the proud papa without hesitation or remorse. Despite the fact that he and his wife saved their daughters from what he calls “a life too terrible to contemplate,” it is Simon who feels lucky.

“Why are we pouring money into a scientific procedure to create children when there are millions of children in this world already who need love?”

Having failed to start a family “in the traditional Abraham-and-Sarah-begat manner,” the Simons submitted to the prodding protocols of a fertility clinic, without success.

“At some point, we just looked at each other and thought, why are we pouring money into a scientific procedure to create children when we know there are millions of children in this world already who need love?” he recalls. “I wish that people would take a look at adoption early on in the process of trying to have a family rather than as a last resort.”

Their search for a family led them to China, land of the controversial one-child-per-family policy that has placed a premium on male offspring at the heartbreaking expense of tens of thousands of abandoned little girls each year. That it took 18 months to adopt Elise and two years to adopt Paulina frustrated Simon beyond words.

“The Chinese permit an astonishingly small percentage of orphaned and abandoned children to be adopted,” he says. “To me, that is absolutely flabbergasting. The government policy on adoption is addressing political, economic and social goals that have almost nothing to do with the best interests of children. Now that we have two little girls from China who are part of our family, we need to speak out about it.”

“I’m amazed that today people can get scolded for using a paper cup and throwing it away and yet somehow we haven’t fathomed all the youngsters in the world who need homes.”

Simon describes the anxious hours of waiting in a Chinese hotel room before they could take their daughter Elise in their arms. Impending fatherhood brought its share of doubts.

“I love children, but I understood even then that there is a real difference between playing peek-a-boo in a public place and then being able to get up and go about your business,” he recalls. “I knew I could be a pretty successful play partner, but I think I was concerned whether I would be a good and devoted parent. But the transformation was pretty quick.”

The Simon sisters are in most ways typical American kids; they attend public school, prefer ice cream with extra sprinkles and believe in the Tooth Fairy. “They’re very, very bright,” Simon crows, then quickly adds: “One of the other advantages of adoption is that you can brag on your children without any concern that you’re congratulating your own genetic contribution.”

Still, he’s aware that childhood can slip by faster than a half-hour newscast. “The older they get, the sharper their questions get about not just what happened to them but what happens to other people there,” he says.

Those are questions the Simon family will tackle together.
“I’m sometimes amazed today that people can get scolded for using a paper cup and throwing it away and yet somehow we haven’t fathomed all the youngsters in the world who need homes,” he says. “There are at least 15 million children who have been orphaned and abandoned. We’ve really come to think of it as one of the great unfinished endeavors of the world.”
It is Simon’s fervid hope that the joy he has found in adopting two daughters from a faraway land will in some small way inspire others to do the same.

Since Scott Simon has chronicled the American experience for years as the host of NPR’s “Weekend Edition,” it seems only fitting that he should apply his prizewinning reportorial skills to a personal experience that has enriched his life beyond his wildest dreams: adopting a child.

In…

NonfictionParentingFamily & Relationships

Andrew Solomon

Interview by Kate Pritchard

Andrew Solomon takes the subjects of his books very seriously, exploring them at great length, often for years at a time. His latest book, Far from the Tree (now out in paperback), which examines the families of children who are profoundly different from their parents, was more than a decade in the making. Solomon interviewed hundreds of families, as well as doctors, researchers, activists and anyone else who could offer him insight. He writes about schizophrenic children, children with Down syndrome, children born with multiple severe disabilities and even child prodigies, but at heart the book is about what it means for a parent to love a child who is different—as all children are, in one way or another—and to love the difference in that child.

Solomon answered a few questions for BookPage about the families he spoke with, the writing process and how his research has influenced his relationship with his own children.

This book is such a massive undertaking, with a wide breadth of experiences covered and hundreds of families interviewed. At what point did you realize just how huge the book was going to be? Were you ever tempted to pare it down?

If I’d known how huge it was going to be, I probably wouldn’t have started with it—it was a sprawling undertaking and utterly overwhelming. But as I kept working, I felt more and more strongly that I needed to write about the breadth and nuance of the questions I was tackling. I felt I couldn’t make the broad generalizations without having the foot soldiers of narrative. Having said that, I did pare the book down a great deal; the first draft was twice the length of the final version.

The families you spoke with included deaf children, transgender children, children of rape, children with autism, child prodigies and more, all of whom come with unique sets of challenges and particular joys. How often did you find yourself comparing one set of children with another, and in what ways?

The book is not about the individual syndromes, though it covers them in considerable detail. The book is about the similarities between these various experiences. I have posited that the negotiation of the difference one sees in one’s children is at the center of parenthood. I have yet to meet a parent who has not sometimes looked at his or her child and said, “Where did you come from?” So these more extreme stories of difference illuminate all parenting. And I think what I found is that our differences unite us—that the experience of negotiating difference is common to most of humanity. So I compared the experience of families all the time. And I felt that even for these very diffuse experiences, there was a uniting central set of experiences.

I have yet to meet a parent who has not sometimes looked at his or her child and said, “Where did you come from?” So these more extreme stories of difference illuminate all parenting.

Did you think before beginning your research that one type of child—one set of challenges—would be preferable to another, and did that perception change as you were writing the book?

I thought when I began that none of these were desirable characteristics, and I ended up thinking it was possible to find meaning in any of them. In some cases, my shift felt especially radical: I had thought of autism as a tragedy, and ended up thinking that it is often simply a part of human variation; I had thought of being transgender as a little grotesque, and now I have many transgender friends. I hadn’t really been exposed to the lives that went with these ways of being, and so the surprises were more radical than those I encountered among, for example, deaf people. Having said all that, I felt that schizophrenia offers more pain and fewer rewards than many other conditions. There are people who have schizophrenia and are nonetheless able to live incredibly productive, good lives—but I never met anyone who loved his schizophrenia and didn’t want to imagine a life without it. And I think crime is an identity against which we must always strive because its inherent nature is to damage the social fabric. In essence, however, I found that people value the experiences they have had over those they have not had. So, preferable? Many people preferred the challenge they had, because most people love their own children with all the challenges those children occasion.

You get into such personal territory in your interviews with these families. Were there ever questions you felt you couldn’t ask, or topics you felt you couldn’t discuss?

I’m a fairly bold interviewer, so there’s not much I felt I couldn’t ask. But there were questions that were hard. I asked some people whether they would have chosen an abortion if they had known ahead of time what characteristic their child would manifest. I asked some parents who seemed to love their child whether they also accepted that child for who he or she was. I asked a few parents whether they regretted becoming parents. And I asked some people who treated their condition as an identity whether they didn’t also see it as an illness.

You became a parent yourself during the course of writing this book. How do you think writing the book has influenced your own parenting style or your relationship with your children?

I hope that the book has made me more accepting, more willing to see my children for who they are. I know it has made me question the dynamic between what I can and should change in my children (teach them values, manners, skills) and what I should accept (see their identities and celebrate them). The work on the book made me more confident that I could love any child I had, and I love the ones I’ve got. I think I love them more wisely for having heard so many compelling stories from so many other families.

What were you most surprised by in writing this book?

I was surprised at how social progress and medical progress are often on a collision course. Social progress demonstrates that stigmatized characteristics can be worthy of celebration; medical progress eliminates those same qualities. They’re in a kind of strange race with each other. I believe in both the social and the medical progress, but I wish they were more awake to each other.

You’ve said that your next book will be about maternal love. Can you talk a little more about your concept for the book and what drew you to that topic?

It’s about how we are redefining motherhood and fatherhood in an era when women work and men are involved in childcare, and how that conversation relates to the advent of single mothers by choice, gay families, international adoption, older parents and so on.

We talked to the author about the families he spoke with, the writing process and how his research on parenting has influenced his relationship with his own children.
NonfictionPhotographyParentingFamily & Relationships

Dave Engledow

Interview by Joelle Herr

As a new dad, Dave Engledow thought it would be funny to post a photo on his Facebook page that reflected both his new-father status—and his extreme fatigue. The response to that first photoshopped picture of Dave and baby daughter Alice Bee inspired a hilarious series of pictures that went viral—and are collected in a new book, Confessions of the World’s Best Father.

With Father’s Day approaching, we asked the self-styled “World’s Best” to tell us more about his photo project, his adorable daughter and his advice for other inexperienced dads.

What sparked your idea for this series of photographs?
I think it was probably the lack of sleep. I wanted to create an image that both captured the exhaustion I was experiencing while at the same time satirizing the stereotype of the clueless dad (which, to be honest, is a stereotype that was pretty accurate for me at the time). The "World's Best Father" mug was added almost as an afterthought to that first shot that portrayed me sleepily squirting Alice's milk into my own coffee.

How did you come up with the scenarios for each photo? How much help did you have during the planning or shoots?
Early on, the ideas were mainly inspired by my constant fears and neuroses—I was perpetually worried that I was going to be that guy you read about on the news who left the baby on top of the car on the way to work. Creating these photos helped me play out some of those worries. As the series has progressed, the scenarios have been influenced by everything from milestones in Alice Bee's growth to pop culture phenomenons like Gagnam Style. My wife Jen often helps me come up with the scenarios and provides a lot of help in adding small details to the scenes. I generally set up the scene and lights on my own, and then Jen helps make sure Alice is safe, happy, and performing the way we need her to for the shot. For the year that Jen was [deployed] in Korea, I had many different friends help me with the shoots.

Which photo in the book required the most elaborate production? What all was involved?
Probably the Cookie Stealing Investigation (CSI), which is a shot of Alice Bee wearing a cat burglar mask, sitting next to a pile of stolen cookies, hiding on a shelf in a darkened room. I am holding a blacklight, which is illuminating dozens of tiny hand and foot prints leading from the cookie jar to her location. This required my assistant-of-the-day Maggie and I to dip Alice's feet and hands in white paint, press her hands and feet on to plastic transparency sheets, cut out the hand prints and foot prints, and then strategically place the plastic prints in the scene, shoot, replace, shoot, etc until we had created the trail you see in the final image. The even harder part of the shoot was getting Alice Bee to wear the cat burglar mask—luckily, this was maybe the only shoot we've ever done where the very first shot of Alice Bee was perfect, so we only needed her to wear the mask one time. 

What’s the most surprising, interesting—or impassioned—response one of your photos has elicited?
We get LOTS of positive responses all the time from both parents and children all over the world who see something in the images that connect them to their own families. These are the responses we love the most and the ones that encourage us to keep shooting. However, the most impassioned responses we receive are generally from people who have not seen our work before and appear to not quite understand that these are intended as satire. I recently re-posted an image of a 15 month-old Alice Bee sitting on an outdoor grill, her feet on the grate next to a charcoal fire, preparing to flip burgers. A woman who had obviously never seen our work before kept commenting about how dangerous it was to have Alice Bee sitting on the grill, even when others in the comment thread tried to explain to her that it wasn't real. Her final comment was something along the lines of "Her feet could get burned—there are much safer ways for children to use the grill!"

How has the photo-taking process evolved as Alice Bee gets older?
We have to be more strategic in how we do the shoots, since she now has the ability to just get up and walk away if she's bored with what we're doing. We generally try to make it seem like a game to her—we'll start getting her excited early in the week ("Guess what? We're going to have a tea party on Saturday" or "You're going to get to play with a toy you've never played with before—it's called an Adding Machine") and try to make it as interesting as possible for her. My fantasy is that as she gets a little older, the two of us will come up with ideas together and we'll become partners in crime.

How are you keeping her grounded in light of her worldwide fame?
Luckily, Alice Bee does not yet fully understand that she is Internet-famous. I think she just thinks that it's perfectly normal to have an entire book with her pictures in it. In real life, Jen and I are in occupations that require us to set ego aside and we both do our best to be thoughtful, respectful and humble in our interactions with others. Hopefully, setting this type of example will help Alice Bee remain grounded once she learns that people all over the world know who she is. 

Your wife, Jen, appears in just a couple of the photos. Does she ever feel left out? What does she think about all of this?
Jen loves these images and is definitely a co-conspirator. She has been involved in some aspect of the creation of almost every single image in this series. She actually prefers to stay behind the scenes, but now that Alice Bee is older and more persuasive, the two of us have been able to convince Jen to appear in more of the images. Since her return from Korea, Alice and I have convinced Jen to appear in at least one image a month.

Do you have a favorite photo? Which one and why?
The very first image in the series is still my favorite. I think it perfectly captures the sleep deprivation and cluelessness I was experiencing at the time. It is also one of the only images in the series that was taken in a single shot, and every detail was painstakingly thought out in advance, from the color of my sweatpants to the angle of the milk stream. The only part that was serendipitous was Alice Bee's longing sideways stare at her milk going into my cup. 

Is the project ongoing? What’s up next for you and Ms. Alice Bee?
The project is still ongoing, with over 125 images in the series and counting. My goal is to keep doing it for as long as Alice Bee is game. For folks that follow our work on Facebook, we have a number of ideas we'll be exploring in the coming weeks, including Alice's current fascination with Wonder Woman.

As the world's best father, what advice would you like to pass along to your fellow dads?
There is no greater pleasure in the world than making your kid laugh. No matter how tired, frustrated, sleep deprived, stressed out, homicidal you may be feeling at the time, if you concentrate on generating those peals of tiny belly laughs, everything else will pale in comparison and those other feelings will rapidly disappear. That laughter the two of you will share together really is the best thing ever.

All photos copyright Dave Engledow.

ALSO IN BOOKPAGE: Read our Father's Day feature on gift books for Dad.

 

As a new dad, Dave Engledow thought it would be funny to post a photo on his Facebook page that reflected both his new-father status—and his extreme fatigue. The response to that first photoshopped picture of Dave and newborn daughter Alice Bee inspired a hilarious series of pictures that went viral—and have been collected in a new book, Confessions of the World’s Best Father.
NonfictionParentingFamily & Relationships

Claude Knobler

Interview by Daniela Weil

Eleven years ago, Claude Knobler and his wife, who had two children, decided to adopt a 5-year-old boy from Ethiopia. In More Love, Less Panic: 7 Lessons I Learned About Life, Love, and Parenting After We Adopted Our Son from Ethiopia, Knobler explains how his struggle to turn the wild, silly, loud and “too optimistic” Nati into a quiet, neurotic Jew like himself forever changed the way he approached parenting.


Daniela and Lucy Weil (left) and Claude and Nati Knobler (right). Photos © Erik Zanker and Claude Knobler.

I have an adopted daughter from Ethiopia, too. She’s 8 and very much like Nati. She is loud, outgoing, silly, fearless and chronically happy. I sometimes try to tone her down, but, like you, I think I might be turning her into a “neurotic Jew.”
It's funny. I think with every kid you learn that they are who they are. It's just that when you adopt a child, you learn it a bit quicker. Our son Clay was exactly who he is from the day he was born, but it wasn't until we had our second child, our daughter Grace, that we really started to see that you can parent all you want, but your kids have their own personalities from day one.

Then . . . we adopted Nati, who was exuberant and giddy and silly, and we really realized that no matter what we did in the name of parenting, he was going to be exactly who he was going to be no matter what we did. There was just no way we could turn this silly Ethiopian 5-year-old who loved shouting and practical jokes into a young Woody Allen—which really makes parenting easier. Because you can just enjoy them for who they already are without worrying about whom you want to turn them into.

You can have long arguments with a toddler about how important it is for them to share their cookies, or you can get in the habit of being a generous, decent person in front of them.

The first lesson you learned is how it's better to influence, than to control. Let's talk about control.
Or about not having any! My wife and I were sent all these videotapes with 10-second snippets of kids saying their names. We had no idea how you could actually choose a child. And then we got this tiny photo of a little boy, and when we saw him on a video, we all just knew. Even when we were in charge, we had no more control than we did with our first two kids! The way we were given to go about “choosing” Nati was strange, but it really also was a good way to start seeing how little control we had.

As parents, it's so easy to make yourself and your child miserable “for their own good,” when really trying to control my kids is often just my way of dealing with the anxiety every parent feels. We love our kids so much that we can't help but be afraid about so many things in their lives. You can have long arguments with a toddler about how important it is for them to share their cookies, or you can get in the habit of being a generous, decent person in front of them. Most kids grow out of the worst kinds of selfishness on their own with time. Yelling at them and arguing with them won't make them better people. But they do watch what you do. Being able to let go of the idea that you can create a perfect child by being a perfect parent really can make your life and your child's life much gentler and happier.

I think when you're a biological parent, perhaps you have more expectations that your kid will become some version of you. Like they'll play the piano if you're a musician. When you adopt, I think you accept from the get-go that this child will be what he/she will be. For me, it's been clear that I cannot hold onto my expectations of who she will become. Maybe she will never go to college. Maybe she's going to end up being a mountain climber, or in one of those jackass videos (the Jewish mother's nightmare). But I've made my peace with that.
Yes! I think that's true, but again, I think that while adoption can speed it up, that's the process that every parent goes through. Talk to any parent of two children and before long they'll tell you how their second child had a personality of its own as soon as it was born. Really what I learned with Nati was that I didn't want any specific thing for any of my three kids. I just want them to be happy—though I do hope your daughter doesn't become a mountain climber or appears in a "Jackass" video. But only because mountain climbing scares me. As do "Jackass" videos.

Oh trust me, it scares the heck out of me too. I have a terrible phobia of heights, and she's a fearless climber. But I never wanted her to inherit my fears, so when she was little, I’d pretend I was totally OK with the crazy stuff she was doing in the playground. The other parents would walk up to me and say "Excuse me, do you think it's OK for your kid to be on the roof of the castle?"
But it was OK for her. Better to let your daughter climb than to shout at her because you're worried she'll fall off a mountain three decades from now. She didn't fall off that castle did she? Because if she did, I'm going to have to re-write my book.

LOL!
In your book, you talk a lot about nature versus nurture, and it seems like nature is the overwhelming force that shapes a child. Do you see the nurture element in Nati's personality?

That's such a great question. I do think that kids are like watching those old Polaroid pictures after they come out of the camera. The image is already there; you just have to wait for it to come into focus. That said, I don't think we changed who Nati was, but I do think that the cumulative effect of the life we've led has changed and shifted him. I haven't parented Nati into being more mature, but the traveling we've done, the conversations we've had and most of all, being a member of this family and seeing how we share our lives has, I know, helped him grow into the remarkable young man he's become.

The most helpful part of your book to me was the image of Nati's biological mom, who was dying of AIDS, whispering in his ear a final goodbye which you witnessed before leaving Ethiopia. It reminds me to let go.
I'm sure it goes without saying that being with Nati while his mother said goodbye to him was one of the most powerful experiences I'll ever have. It certainly made clear to me that there can be a purity to love. In our daily lives, love can come out in so many strange ways. I nag my kids because I love them. I worry about my family because of the love I feel for them. But at that moment, Nati's mother wasn't telling him anything for his future, or trying to teach him anything, she was just being with him, connecting with him and loving him as purely as anyone ever could. And yet, I do think it's important to remember that you can't always live in that kind of moment. If you never lose your temper with your kids, then you're probably not spending enough time with them. I think, for me, it's important to allow myself to feel all of it; the love, the frustrations, the fears without believing what those feelings sometimes tell me. It's OK to feel frustrated with your child's behavior without believing that voice that says, “How will she ever get a job as an adult when she'll always be this way?” It's possible to love your child with every fiber of your being and still step back and let them live their own lives as they mature.

A lot of what you say reminds me of the serenity prayer (God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference).
I did waste a lot of time as a parent trying to change what couldn't be changed and didn't need to be changed. I have a son in college now and once that happens you really do learn that while you think your kids are the entire book of your life, they're really just a chapter. They grow up and get their own lives, no matter how great a parent you are. And if you don't stop and enjoy all of their insanity and strangeness, then you've missed something wonderful. More love, less panic, because either way, whether you spend these years laughing or crying, they're going to be who they are and then they're going to go out into the world.

RELATED CONTENT: Read our review of this book.

Daniela Weil was born and raised in Sao Paolo, Brazil, and now lives in Houston with her daughter Lucy. Trained as a whale biologist, Weil is also a writer and illustrator whose work includes both children’s books and scientific illustrations. She is the creator of the web comic The World According to Lucy, which chronicles the experiences of an introverted adoptive mom parenting the fearless, free-spirited Lucy.

Eleven years ago, Claude Knobler and his wife, who had two children, decided to adopt a 5-year-old boy from Ethiopia. In More Love, Less Panic: 7 Lessons I learned About Life, Love, and Parenting After We Adopted Our Son from Ethiopia, Knobler explains how his struggle to turn the wild, silly, loud and “too optimistic” Nati into a quiet, neurotic Jew like himself forever changed the way he approached parenting.

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