Give ’til it hurts You’ve made big travel plans for the summer, and then you receive the call: Aunt Agnes, Cousin Curtis, and the rest of the family have rented a big house near the beach, and everyone is expected to be there for the month of July. Sigh . . . Guess where you’ll be spending your summer vacation? You need a little pick-me-up gift for yourself, under the circumstances. What gift doesn’t require a security deposit, seven-day advance purchase, or a Saturday night stay? Why, books, of course! Photographer Jeffrey Kraft’s exquisite photographs of Parisian cubbyholes and artifacts are not intended to entice one to visit the city; rather, his Literary Paris (Watson-Guptill, $18.95, 0823028305) is meant for those who have already been. The images are meant to inspire a memory from a time that has passed; this is not a fancy collection of tourists’ snapshots. Kraft has arranged his remembrances alongside excerpts from literary works by authors who stayed in Paris for extended periods of time. Kraft has captured the glimpse, the detail, the moment, rather than structures and sites. He offers an idea of what remains in the mind and heart, even years after the visit itself has ended. A wonderful gift for the Francophile in your life.

Ben Jonson said, He was not of an age, but for all time. He was, of course, speaking of his friend William Shakespeare. Children’s book author Aliki has written and illustrated William Shakespeare and the Globe (HarperCollins, $15.95, 006027820X), which describes not only Shakespeare’s life, work, and times, but even acknowledges visionary Sam Wannamaker, who spent years resurrecting the Globe. The book is designed much like a script, with acts and scenes and characters. An interesting add-on is the list of words and expressions, complete with illustrations, credited to Shakespeare; for example, sweets to the sweet and hush were apparently invented by the Bard himself. Seems we’ve been quoting Shakespeare without realizing it! Cities like Paris and London must make use of every tidbit of soil that can be found; as acreage diminishes in our growing world, green thumbs everywhere are striving to be more and more creative with their craft. Artisan has published Window Boxes: Indoors and Out ($27.50, 1579651240) with this in mind. Authors James Cramer and Dean Johnson offer fragrant, beautiful, and useful options for the, uh, land-challenged. Cramer and Johnson offer optional locations (who says a window-box is limited to being wooden, square, and outside?) and year-round planting options (a thriving garden in January?) With this book, the decision is no longer how to create a miniature garden, but rather how many miniature gardens you can create. Soil sold separately! Of course, if we’re talking land for land’s sake, Antarctica has land to spare. It’s been 85 years since Ernest Shackleton and the 27-member crew of the Endurance set out to cross the Antarctic on foot. Less than 100 miles from its destination, the Endurance was caught in an ice pack and was badly damaged. For over 20 months, the crew (along with 69 sled dogs) was marooned, but no lives were lost. Two books commemorate this remarkable true story of adventure and perseverance. First, there’s Knopf’s The Endurance: Shackleton’s Legendary Antarctic Expedition ($29.95, 0375404031), a sophisticated account of the expedition. There’s also Ice Story: Shackleton’s Lost Expedition (Clarion, $18, 0395915244), which may be better-suited to younger explorers. Both books feature expedition photographer Frank Hurley’s photographs and offer a chronological summary of this death-defying journey. Hurley started the expedition with professional equipment, but his final shots were taken with a pocket camera. Endurance author Caroline Alexander, in association with the American Museum of Natural History, carefully researched this volume, complete with some of Hurley’s photographs that had not been published previously. Ice Story author Elizabeth Cody Kimmel presents the journey in storybook format, but the information is accurate and anecdotal. Both books would make great gifts for anyone who has a taste for adventure and hopeful endings.

Agnes and Curtis decide that the grown-ups need to take the children to the waterpark which happens to be 50 miles away for the day. Fifty miles can seem like 500 without Fun on the Run: Travel Games and Songs. Brimming with silly stories, limericks, brain teasers, and songs, this book helps to fill travel time without batteries or messy cleanup. Familiar songs and games such as The Ants Go Marching and Hangman are included, but Fun on the Run contains nearly 125 pages of other games and songs that can be a part of any trip. If you still confuse Darth Vader with Darth Maul, fear not; Dorling Kindersley has published two books that will help you keep the prequel and the original trilogy straight: Star Wars Episode I: the Visual Dictionary ($19.95, 0789447010) and Star Wars Episode I: Incredible Cross Sections ($19.95, 078943962X). Like their predecessors (or would it be their descendants?), these books are designed to keep facts, characters, and plots straight. Archaeologist David West Reynolds, an obvious choice for the author, approaches this much like he did his previous Star Wars works. One feels as if he is on an archaeological dig or scientific study of another world. May the source be with you!

I once read that a marriage is maintained by combining equal measures of dewy-eyed romanticism with clear-eyed realism. Well, the adoption of a child is much the same. You have to believe in the child’s unique value. At the same time, you’ve got to acknowledge the challenges that come with the territory.

Parents at Last contributes greatly to the romanticism involved in adoption and other ways of achieving parenthood: surrogate, in-vitro, and other technological innovations. The variety of stories (each written by the parents) are accompanied by delightful photographs by Helen Kolikow Garber.

Robert and Evelyne McNamara of California decided to adopt a Chinese infant after the death of their youngest child from a brain tumor. Paul Montz of Arizona also adopted two children from China as a single gay dad. Susan Hollander, who founded the Alliance for Donor Insemination Families in 1995, achieved parenthood in this fashion. Congresswoman Connie Morella of Maryland became an adoptive parent after the tragic death of her sister, adopting all six of her beloved sister’s sons and daughters. Then come the awe-inspiring parents like Peg Marengo and Alison Smith of Worcester, Massachusetts, who created a second family after their biological families had grown up by adopting the throwaway kids in our society. They began with Luci, a two-year-old with AIDS. Finally, comes the note of realism from Torin Scott of Scottsdale, Arizona, who counsels parents of special needs adoptions and is one herself: Abuse and neglect before and after birth exact a huge toll. It is important to grieve over who the child might have been, and then let it go. Love unconditionally. Love fiercely. Love enough for both of you, and realize that love alone is not enough. It takes commitment, endurance and acceptance. This book is a lovely paean to the couples and single men and women who persevere in their efforts to become and remain parents.

Rosemary Zibart is a writer in Sante Fe, New Mexico.

This week my husband and I learned that the second child we’re expecting this spring is actually two babies, which means that in a year or so we’ll have twin toddlers wreaking havoc under our roof. Heaven help us! Thankfully, parents like us can turn to Vicki Iovine, mother of four and author of The Girlfriends’ Guide to Pregnancy and The Girlfriends’ Guide to Surviving the First Year of Motherhood. Her latest offering is The Girlfriends’ Guide to Toddlers, and, like her other books, it’s chatty, hilarious, informative, and wise. As the title suggests, Iovine offers the kind of frank, sanity-saving sense you might get (if you’re lucky) from a beloved best friend who’s already been there.

You’ve got to love and trust a book that starts out: Frankly, toddlers frighten me. No sugar-coating here; Iovine paints the complete picture of toddlers, full, of course, of joy and magic as well as frustration and fatigue.

Here is everything a parent needs to know about potty-training, binkies, thumb-sucking, discipline, preschool, eating, and, that most precious of words, sleeptime.

All you need is a quick look to understand the unique tone of the Girlfriend Guides. Open any page and you’ll get a taste of Iovine’s humor and experience. Take, for example, a passage like: Having a toddler in your life is like being stalked. They’re in the closet with you, they sit on your lap when you try to use the toilet, they’re right between your knees when you run to answer the phone. Just about the only time that a toddler isn’t within five inches of you is when there is some mischief calling him away like a siren’s song. Yet another wonderful thing about this guide: it not only tells parents how to deal with their offspring, it constantly reminds them how to keep their own sanity, something other books don’t always remember. For instance, one of the many amusing Top Ten lists included is Top Ten Things to Do When Your Toddler Drives You Nuts. Iovine suggests Turn the radio on loud and dance. It will shock your toddler into a moment’s silence and let you release a little steam. Iovine concludes with the heartening thought that after the years of the terrible ones and twos, things really do get better. Look, she says, if it were easy, no one would need a book like this! I’ll drink to that. Twice, I might add.

Alice Cary is a reviewer in Groton, Massachusetts.

Do you have a son? Is there an important boy in your life? If so, Christina Hoff Sommers has an important warning. Oddly enough, it’s a lousy time to be a boy in America, she explains during a telephone interview from her home in Maryland. While girls are generally applauded and admired, she says, boys are often feared like the plague.

As she writes in the opening of The War Against Boys: How Misguided Feminism is Harming Our Young Men: As the new millennium begins, the triumphant victory of our women’s soccer team has come to symbolize the spirit of American girls. The defining event for boys is the shooting at Columbine High. During our talk, Sommers notes the myriad programs that try to boost girls’ academic and self-esteem skills, the result of feminists decrying the injustices girls have suffered in classrooms over the years. But Sommers argues that it is actually boys who now lag behind girls, not vice versa.

In fact, she says, the average 11th-grade boy writes like an eighth-grade girl. He’s three years behind in writing and a year-and-a-half behind in reading. Yes, she knows that boys are slightly ahead in math and science, as a rule. However, there are lots of programs to help girls (and Sommers makes a point to say she’s not criticizing those programs). What angers her, though, is that similar programs to help boys are practically non-existent.

If anything, she explains, boys are viewed as the privileged beneficiaries of the patriarchal system, but nothing could be farther from the truth, especially with a low-achieving boy. Many of today’s educational strategies deny the types of experiences that help boys learn. They love competition, hierarchy, and striving for excellence, Sommers says. If we take that away, you take away all that’s important for boys. For years, feminists have pointed out the plight of under-achieving, low self-esteem girls, such as those depicted in Carol Gilligan’s popular book, In a Different Voice. What’s more, Sommers argues that a handful of organizations, including the American Association of University Women and the Wellesley Center for Research on Women, have added to the problem by shaping gender policy in our nation’s schools. Sommers, who took academic feminists to task in her 1994 book Who Stole Feminism?, says these groups have promoted misleading and incorrect data, an assertion she probes in her book.

The War Against Boys discusses the problem in detail and offers some solutions. For starters, suggests Sommers, boys need their own watchdog group. Nothing ideological, Sommers warns, but simply people who like boys and understand them. Members might include the YMCA, the Boy Scouts, Boys’ Town, Harvard’s Alvin F. Poussaint, and Michael Gurian, author of the insightful book, The Wonder of Boys.

Sommers explains that she would also like to see a major correction in the schools of education in their offerings on gender education. She recommends a new study be required reading: Trends in Educational Equity of Girls ∧ Women by the U.

S. Department of Education.

While it’s very honest about the areas in which girls need help, she says, it’s the best account of how boys need help too. Sommers hopes that when teachers across the country hear the phrase gender equity, they will stop thinking of Carol Gilligan’s ideas, and instead think of The War Against Boys, the Department of Education study, or research by Judith Kleinfeld.

Meanwhile, what can parents of boys do to help? Sommers a former professor of philosophy and the mother of a teenage son and an older stepson offers several recommendations during our chat: Be aware that there are many who do not like boys, who view the natural tendencies of boys to be pathological, a defect to be overcome. I don’t think there are many teachers like this, but there are going to be some who have taken seriously what they have read. . . . Be prepared to be an advocate for your son and for all the little boys in the class. Be aware that you’re going to have to make special efforts in teaching boys reading, writing, handwriting, and organization. These skills do not come to most boys as naturally as they come to most girls, Sommers explains. She adds that it’s helpful to make sure teachers include stories and books that feature adventure, heroes, and action, all of which are likely to appeal to boys.

All parents need to realize that boys can behave in all sorts of ways without being mentally unstable. There’s a whole repertoire of wild, normal, little boy behavior. The standard play of little boys is rough and tumble, and women mothers and teachers have never fully understood it and liked it. In her book she describes a stunned California mother whose son was punished for running during recess, and nearly suspended for jumping over a bench. Sad to say, Sommers says, normal youthful male exuberance is becoming unacceptable in more and more schools. Sommers has had to go to bat for her own son, who once got in big trouble during a school field trip for jumping up and swatting a restaurant awning that the class passed on the street. The author stresses the need for gentlemanly, moral behavior, yet she believes the natural tendencies of little boys must be better understood.

Sommers ends The War Against Boys with a stirring call for action: We have created a lot of problems, both for ourselves and for our children. Now we must resolutely set about solving them. I am confident we can do that. American boys, whose very masculinity turns out to be politically incorrect, badly need our support. If you are an optimist, as I am, you believe that good sense and fair play will prevail. If you are a mother of sons, as I am, you know that one of the more agreeable facts of life is that boys will be boys. Alice Cary writes from Massachusetts.

Aunt Agnes’s daughter Nadine married your former neighbor’s son Neville recently. Nadine and Neville, the ambitious newlyweds, are hosting a housewarming party and you’re invited. What housewarming gift comes in a variety of colors, matches every period piece in every room, and can accentuate even the most sparse decor? Why, books, of course! Nadine had to part with Fluffy, her pampered, prize-winning Persian, due to Neville’s allergies. To help ease the pain caused by Fluffy’s absence, why not give her a copy of Cat: Wild Cats and Pampered Pets (Watson Guptill, $19.95, 0823005712). Author Andrew Edney, who is also a veterinarian, includes more than 300 depictions of felines slinking, sleeping, socializing, and so much more! This 400-page oblong book offers a unique addition to a cat lover’s coffee table or library.

What kind of gift is given away, but meant to be returned? Tommy Nelson, a division of Thomas Nelson, Inc., has developed Grandmother’s Memories to Her Grandchild ($12.99, 084995911X) and Grandfather’s Memories to His Grandchild for just such a purpose. These make wonderful keepsakes, especially when completed and given away. Set in journal format against a backdrop of renowned artist Thomas Kinkade’s breathtaking landscapes, headings for each section include Me, My Hometown, Early School Years, My First Romance, etc. Each section is broken into segments, with titles like A time I had to stand up for my beliefs, or Something I want you to remember about me when you are grown up, and space is provided for folks to write their responses. Grandparents with multiple grandchildren, beware you may unwrap several of these! Nadine’s recollections from her wedding are, no doubt, still fresh on her mind. Why not encourage her to laugh about them with This Is Your Day! But Everybody Has An Opinion (Villard, $14.95, 0375502653)? Perfect for newlywed brides or brides-to-be, author Lisa K. Weiss offers humorous tidbits of pre- and post-wedding truisms. Victoria Roberts’s cartoony illustrations complement tongue-in-cheek advice cliches, such as Now that you’re married, it will be easy to fine-tune his wardrobe, and Including your pets in the ceremony can add a warm, cozy touch. A definite garnish to the Emily Post and Amy Vanderbilt books, it is a perfect gift for those who tend to take life (and life’s events) too seriously.

Anne Boleyn is an unlikely target for the tabloids. Chances are even slimmer for a tell-all book about Guy de Maupassant. London writer Mark Bryant, however, has compiled all sorts of entertaining facts about 200 well-known figures in Private Lives: Curious Facts About the Famous and Infamous (Cassell/Sterling Publications, $29.95, 0304343153). For example, did you know that Queen Elizabeth I drank beer for breakfast? Or that Walt Disney wasn’t the first person to draw Mickey Mouse? Private Lives is also available in paperback ($14.95, 0304349232), and makes a wonderful gift for trivia buffs and researchers.

Who said, It is more blessed to give than to receive ? (Well, okay, besides your Gift Gallery helpers!) The quote actually originated with Aristotle but has been paraphrased by others, including Jesus. Anyone who loves to quote, but has difficulty remembering whom they are quoting, will appreciate Random House’s all-new Webster’s Quotationary ($45, 0679448500). Author Leonard Roy Frank has assembled over 20,000 quotations by subject, but makes it easy to locate a quote through cross-referencing as well. Varied profundities from Plato to Oprah make this one of the most comprehensive reference books around. You may want to study it ahead of time and wow Nadine and Neville’s party guests!

Aunt Agnes’s daughter Nadine married your former neighbor’s son Neville recently. Nadine and Neville, the ambitious newlyweds, are hosting a housewarming party and you’re invited. What housewarming gift comes in a variety of colors, matches every period piece in every room, and can accentuate even the most sparse decor? Why, books, of course! Nadine had to part with Fluffy, her pampered, prize-winning Persian, due to Neville’s allergies. To help ease the pain caused by Fluffy’s absence, why not give her a copy of Cat: Wild Cats and Pampered Pets (Watson Guptill, $19.95, 0823005712). Author Andrew Edney, who is also a veterinarian, includes more than 300 depictions of felines slinking, sleeping, socializing, and so much more! This 400-page oblong book offers a unique addition to a cat lover’s coffee table or library.

What kind of gift is given away, but meant to be returned? Tommy Nelson, a division of Thomas Nelson, Inc., has developed Grandmother’s Memories to Her Grandchild and Grandfather’s Memories to His Grandchild ($12.99, 0849959128) for just such a purpose. These make wonderful keepsakes, especially when completed and given away. Set in journal format against a backdrop of renowned artist Thomas Kinkade’s breathtaking landscapes, headings for each section include Me, My Hometown, Early School Years, My First Romance, etc. Each section is broken into segments, with titles like A time I had to stand up for my beliefs, or Something I want you to remember about me when you are grown up, and space is provided for folks to write their responses. Grandparents with multiple grandchildren, beware you may unwrap several of these! Nadine’s recollections from her wedding are, no doubt, still fresh on her mind. Why not encourage her to laugh about them with This Is Your Day! But Everybody Has An Opinion (Villard, $14.95, 0375502653)? Perfect for newlywed brides or brides-to-be, author Lisa K. Weiss offers humorous tidbits of pre- and post-wedding truisms. Victoria Roberts’s cartoony illustrations complement tongue-in-cheek advice cliches, such as Now that you’re married, it will be easy to fine-tune his wardrobe, and Including your pets in the ceremony can add a warm, cozy touch. A definite garnish to the Emily Post and Amy Vanderbilt books, it is a perfect gift for those who tend to take life (and life’s events) too seriously.

Anne Boleyn is an unlikely target for the tabloids. Chances are even slimmer for a tell-all book about Guy de Maupassant. London writer Mark Bryant, however, has compiled all sorts of entertaining facts about 200 well-known figures in Private Lives: Curious Facts About the Famous and Infamous (Cassell/Sterling Publications, $29.95, 0304343153). For example, did you know that Queen Elizabeth I drank beer for breakfast? Or that Walt Disney wasn’t the first person to draw Mickey Mouse? Private Lives is also available in paperback ($14.95, 0304349232), and makes a wonderful gift for trivia buffs and researchers.

Who said, It is more blessed to give than to receive ? (Well, okay, besides your Gift Gallery helpers!) The quote actually originated with Aristotle but has been paraphrased by others, including Jesus. Anyone who loves to quote, but has difficulty remembering whom they are quoting, will appreciate Random House’s all-new Webster’s Quotationary ($45, 0679448500). Author Leonard Roy Frank has assembled over 20,000 quotations by subject, but makes it easy to locate a quote through cross-referencing as well. Varied profundities from Plato to Oprah make this one of the most comprehensive reference books around. You may want to study it ahead of time and wow Nadine and Neville’s party guests!

Questions and answers Is It Just a Phase ?: How to Tell Common Childhood Phases from More Serious Problems (Golden Books, $24, 0307440508) by Dr. Susan Swedo and Dr. Henrietta L. Leonard is a handy volume filled with solutions to all sorts of childhood problems, including thumb-sucking, picky eating habits, shyness, hyperactivity, fears, and a myriad of school woes. You’ll find suggestions for helping your child outgrow these problems, ways to recognize signs of serious situations, tips for when to consult a doctor, and lists of further reading.

Of course, parents always have questions just as sure as kids used to get chicken pox. With that in mind, The Parents Answer Book by the editors of Parents magazine is bound to become indispensable. And with 896 pages, it’s got plenty of answers about the health, safety, and development of children from birth through age five. Not only does it contain thoughtful discussions of just about everything under the sun, there are numerous practical pointers as well.

Alice Cary is a mother and a reviewer in Groton, Massachusetts.

Questions and answers Is It Just a Phase ?: How to Tell Common Childhood Phases from More Serious Problems by Dr. Susan Swedo and Dr. Henrietta L. Leonard is a handy volume filled with solutions to all sorts of childhood problems, including thumb-sucking, picky eating habits, shyness, hyperactivity, fears, and a myriad of school woes. You’ll find suggestions for helping your child outgrow these problems, ways to recognize signs of serious situations, tips for when to consult a doctor, and lists of further reading.

Of course, parents always have questions just as sure as kids used to get chicken pox. With that in mind, The Parents Answer Book (Golden Books, $35, 0307440605) by the editors of Parents magazine is bound to become indispensable. And with 896 pages, it’s got plenty of answers about the health, safety, and development of children from birth through age five. Not only does it contain thoughtful discussions of just about everything under the sun, there are numerous practical pointers as well.

Alice Cary is a mother and a reviewer in Groton, Massachusetts.

Insight and inspiration In Parents Who Think Too Much: Why We Do It, How to Stop It (Dell Island, $12.95, 0440508126), Anne Cassidy proclaims that today’s kids have virtually taken over their parents’ lives. She recommends that parents drop out of parenting classes and forget the experts. Instead, they must remember to trust their instincts. Her thesis took shape when she was struck with laryngitis and couldn’t give her daughters the praise they’d grown to depend on what she describes as the steady stream of prattle about what a good job she’s doing or what she’d like to do next. She realized her children, and many others, were suffering from what she calls Attention Excess Disorder, which she deems the Malady of the Decade. Cassidy’s ideas are full of common-sense wisdom, delivered in a voice that sounds like a reassuring, often humorous, friend.

I was also riveted to Richard F. Miniter’s The Things I Want Most: The Extraordinary Story of a Boy’s Journey to a Family of His Own, the story of his family’s decision to take in a severely troubled 11-year-old as a foster child. The Miniters had already raised six children of their own and were running an inn in upstate New York. Instead of enjoying some well-earned tranquillity, they brought chaos into their lives in the form of a boy named Mike. This is a book you won’t forget.

Alice Cary is a mother and a reviewer in Groton, Massachusetts.

Insight and inspiration In Parents Who Think Too Much: Why We Do It, How to Stop It, Anne Cassidy proclaims that today’s kids have virtually taken over their parents’ lives. She recommends that parents drop out of parenting classes and forget the experts. Instead, they must remember to trust their instincts. Her thesis took shape when she was struck with laryngitis and couldn’t give her daughters the praise they’d grown to depend on what she describes as the steady stream of prattle about what a good job she’s doing or what she’d like to do next. She realized her children, and many others, were suffering from what she calls Attention Excess Disorder, which she deems the Malady of the Decade. Cassidy’s ideas are full of common-sense wisdom, delivered in a voice that sounds like a reassuring, often humorous, friend.

I was also riveted to Richard F. Miniter’s The Things I Want Most: The Extraordinary Story of a Boy’s Journey to a Family of His Own (Bantam, $21.95, 0553109332), the story of his family’s decision to take in a severely troubled 11-year-old as a foster child. The Miniters had already raised six children of their own and were running an inn in upstate New York. Instead of enjoying some well-earned tranquillity, they brought chaos into their lives in the form of a boy named Mike. This is a book you won’t forget.

Alice Cary is a mother and a reviewer in Groton, Massachusetts.

How should boys be boys? In 1994 Mary Pipher created a stir with her groundbreaking book about adolescent girls, Reviving Ophelia. Now it’s the year of the boy, with two titles receiving widespread attention. The first, A Fine Young Man: What Parents, Mentors, and Educators Can Do to Shape Adolescent Boys into Exceptional Boys (Tarcher/Putnam, $24.95, 0874779197), is by Michael Gurian, author of the best-selling The Wonder of Boys. Gurian says adolescent males are our most undernurtured population. Much attention, he rightly says, has been given to adolescent girls; now it’s time to give boys what he calls New Models of Manhood, which include compassion, honor, responsibility, and enterprise. Such timeless ideals are hardly new, but Gurian’s thoughts are worth pondering.

In a similar vein, in Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood, William Pollack argues that boys are forced to prematurely separate from their mothers at ages five or six. From that time on, we expect them to heed what he calls the Boy Code, to be stoic, rough-and-tumble little men. To make matters worse, Pollack says, society views boys as toxic in other words, psychologically unaware, emotionally unsocialized creatures. And yet as men they are expected to be masculine, communicative, and sensitive. No wonder, he notes, that boys are confused! Pollack concludes: Real boys need people to be with who allow them to show all of their emotions, including their most intense feelings of sadness, disappointment, and fear. Any parent will find this an intriguing, immensely readable book.

Alice Cary is a mother and a reviewer in Groton, Massachusetts.

How should boys be boys? In 1994 Mary Pipher created a stir with her groundbreaking book about adolescent girls, Reviving Ophelia. Now it’s the year of the boy, with two titles receiving widespread attention. The first, A Fine Young Man: What Parents, Mentors, and Educators Can Do to Shape Adolescent Boys into Exceptional Boys, is by Michael Gurian, author of the best-selling The Wonder of Boys. Gurian says adolescent males are our most undernurtured population. Much attention, he rightly says, has been given to adolescent girls; now it’s time to give boys what he calls New Models of Manhood, which include compassion, honor, responsibility, and enterprise. Such timeless ideals are hardly new, but Gurian’s thoughts are worth pondering.

In a similar vein, in Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood (Random House, $24.95, 0375501312; Random House AudioBooks, $18, 0375402918), William Pollack argues that boys are forced to prematurely separate from their mothers at ages five or six. From that time on, we expect them to heed what he calls the Boy Code, to be stoic, rough-and-tumble little men. To make matters worse, Pollack says, society views boys as toxic in other words, psychologically unaware, emotionally unsocialized creatures. And yet as men they are expected to be masculine, communicative, and sensitive. No wonder, he notes, that boys are confused! Pollack concludes: Real boys need people to be with who allow them to show all of their emotions, including their most intense feelings of sadness, disappointment, and fear. Any parent will find this an intriguing, immensely readable book.

Alice Cary is a mother and a reviewer in Groton, Massachusetts.